Pet Products I’d Like to See and How Much I’d Pay for Them

There are a lot of pet products out there. I’m not going to deny that. But I still have a lot of suggestions. I have a dog named Pistachio, and I can think of many products that would make our lives way easier, but do not exist (yet???). Here are a few of them. See you guys on Shark Tank.

A universal toy blocker

I need a better name for this, but it’s a product that stops small toys and balls from getting stuck behind/in/under anything. It should be made of rubber so a ball would bounce off it. Maybe it’s just a gigantic piece of hard rubber that you can put under anything. I guess I could probably get this at Home Depot. Am I going to? No.

I would pay: $250 if it really worked for ALL furniture

A dating app that lets you rate people based on how pet-friendly they are

When I was single, my biggest dating problem was knowing how much a potential mate really liked pets (not just how much they said they did on the first date). This idea is an ultra-simple app that brings up a person’s dating profile and asks “how much does this person like pets?” If you’ve been on a date with this person, you give them a rating of 1 star (“does not like pets”) through 5 stars (“loves pets”).

We’d have to rely on the honor system regarding whether or not you’ve actually been on a date with this person, but that can be solved with a message reminding the user, every time they go to rate someone, that they have to look themselves in the mirror every day, and they had better not lie about someone’s pet-friendliness because this is a matter of utmost importance.

I would pay: $1

A collar that lets you know if your pet has been fed or not

When my dog makes giant, sad eyes at your sandwich, it’s not because she’s starving. It’s just that she wants your food in addition to the food she’s already had that day.

Most people understand this, but occasionally some people (mostly grandmas) take Pistachio’s tear-stained begging at face value. My ex-boyfriend’s grandmother, while eating pizza, remarked that Pistachio should get a piece because “she shouldn’t have to go hungry” and fed her some when I was in the bathroom.

It’s easy for me to know when my dog has already been fed, but if you share your dog with a partner, roommates, or a dog walker, it’s easy to get mixed up. Here’s my pitch: a collar that says “HUNGRY” and “FED” on opposite sides. You slide the collar around so that the applicable descriptor is visible. The dog stays fed, and all humans are on the same page. This is by far the most marketable idea on this list.

I would pay: $30

An app that sorts adoptable cats from neediest to least needy

On the Pet Kinsey Scale (0 being “exclusively loves dogs” and 6 being “exclusively loves cats”), I would rate myself a 2. I like cats, but if I’m going to adopt one, I need it to need me. My biggest cat complaint is that I want to squish their faces and be aggressively affectionate with them, and many of them do not want this.

So I want an app that tells me “these are the cats that are as needy as you are.” Plus, people who want a non-needy cat can scroll to the bottom and pick out the normal ones.

I would pay: $2

A device that lets me text my dog

I truly have no idea how this would work, but it is far and away my greatest pet-related desire. I think about texting my dog at least 10 times a day. Sometimes I want to tell her what time I’ll be home, sometimes I want to ask her if she needs anything at the store, and sometimes I just want to tell her I’m thinking about her. This device seems like an expensive undertaking, since it would not only require electronics on both my end and the dog’s, but also require someone to teach my dog to read.

The closest thing I’ve found are Arduino-controlled pet feeders that let the owner remotely control when their pet gets a treat. These feeders aren’t even that close to what I’m after, but they seem fun. They also seem like a lot of work. I will never build one.

I would pay: $1000 if this thing existed

Affordable Alternative: I would pay someone $100 per day to hang out with my dog and kiss her whenever I tell them to (via text).

A giant magnet that draws all the neighborhood dogs to me

Self-explanatory.

I would pay: $500

Allegra Ringo is a writer, dog lover and podcast guy. Follow her on Twitter at @allegraringo, and check out her Maximum Fun podcast Can I Pet Your Dog?

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