Should Personal Shopping Be Done In Person?

What To Buy In A Store When Everything From Bras To Vibrators Can Be Got Online

Haley (formerly of The Hairpin) and Meaghan (formerly of The Billfold) have both published pieces recently about shopping for intimates.

Here’s Haley’s on a new brand of nice but accessible ladies’ underwear, via T: The New York Times Style Magazine:

Lonely [Lingerie], which launched as a small partnership between Morris and collaborator Steve Ferguson, calls itself an “inclusive take on luxury lingerie,” designed to put wearers at ease. Sold at retailers like Mohawk General Store and Anthropologie, the line offers staple undergarments as well as swimwear, silk pajama sets and robes. …

Each piece in the collection features intricate adornments — longline bras, multi-band straps that cross over the chest and torso, elegant lace accents — and an expanded size range now offers fits for 30A-E, 32A-F, 34A-E and 36A-DD in all soft cup and underwire styles. Every season Morris has added a new size. “We are still quite a small label, so it has been something technically we have to get right,” she says, adding how important it is to see “people comfortable in their own skin, and to see diversity.” Lingerie lines too often prize a limited selection of sizes; with Lonely, Morris seeks to offer something missing elsewhere.

And here’s Meaghan on the awkwardness of browsing through feminist sex toy shops via The Cut:

I’ve been thinking lately that maybe what I need is a fancy new vibrator. Maybe I’ll buzz my way into the mood. Of course, when it comes down to actually spending money and making a decision, all desire drains from me and the absurdity of the situation comes into full relief. This is sort of how I feel about bath salts, like, “Hm, that might be nice,” until I’m looking at a price tag like, “Salt, for a bath? Actual money? This is a scam.”

The shops themselves are well-lit, clean, comfortable, and still, to Meaghan, totally off-putting:

The logos for today’s sex-toy stores are always, for some reason, neon blue. The stores themselves are styled to resemble futuristic hair salons or frozen-yogurt shops, with bright colors offsetting black-and-white stock photos of people grinning the grin of a person who, just out of frame, is getting rammed with an oversize dildo. …

This might be a necessity, an attempt at decency, but the cumulative effect is profound discomfort. I don’t want to wander the display tables and finger the merchandise while pretending I’m in Uniqlo when the merchandise I’m fingering goes up my own butt and everyone there knows it.

Never has it been easier to buy highly personal items discreetly. Who knows what is inside that brown UPS box when it arrives at your door? It could be toilet bowl cleaner and Cheerios, sure, but it could also be lacy underthings and a strap-on.

But there are also real and valid reasons to make intimate purchases in person. I have fond memories of virtually every bra shopping excursion I’ve been on as an adult, because a friend said something dryly hilarious, or some fit expert made me feel like my body was normal rather than shameful, or a saleslady rummaged through a bucket until she emerged triumphant with an undergarment more perfect than I could have located on my own. I am almost always walk out of a (good) bra store feeling better — more cheerful, more well-equipped to be an adult in the world — than I did upon walking in.

Pressing “add to cart,” by contrast, doesn’t offer much of an oxytocin boost.

Sex toy stores are less hallowed spaces in my mind but there is something comforting about being able to wander their aisles, even if I never actually feel comfortable wandering their aisles. Their very existence reminds me that pleasure is valuable; that being an adult can be fun, too; that I am at liberty in a way I would never have been at any other point in human history to spend my money on whatever brings me joy. Yes, the stores do tend to resemble frozen yogurt shops. What they are really showcasing, and even offering free samples of, though, is freedom. And it can be particularly satisfying to enjoy that freedom in real-time and 3D.

“Nothing requires less justification than pleasure.” — B. Brecht. That may be true, dude, but we all need a reminder now and again.

Support The Billfold

The Billfold continues to exist thanks to support from our readers. Help us continue to do our work by making a monthly pledge on Patreon or a one-time-only contribution through PayPal.