What a Pulitzer Prize Will Buy You in 2014

+ 7251.11 Euro
+ A new city manager
+ A man’s watch. “’Buying a nice watch is not about status to me, nor is it about impressing others. I am buying it because it is a beautiful creation,’” sayeth the investment banker. AskMen approves: “Besides the great choice in aesthetic, going to a brand where the timepiece is an absolute investment is the best thing Paul could have done with this amount of money.” I might not be taking further financial advice from AskMen.

+ An un-retouched photo of Lena Dunham
+ A college degree in Texas. More info here. Sorry I ragged on you earlier, Houston!
+ A tiny, tiny home
+ The beginnings of a fortune
+ The ability to coax Jonathan Adler from bed
+ The ability to pay off your fine for posting “revenge porn”
+ Um, a wife?

Yes, I am offering a $10,000 reward to anyone that introduces me to the woman that I propose to. She does NOT need to say yes for you to get the reward. No, if you yourself call and we marry, you don’t get $10,000 but you do get me. In that case, I’ll donate it to a charity that promotes parenthood as being the most important job in the world.

Or you could, you know, write The Goldfinch. And then buy a watch.

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