Would You Rather Date Someone Who Makes More Than You?

Or do you want to be the one that makes more money in the relationship?

In this week’s episode of my favorite television program Big Little Lies, the show about troubled white women and money and murder, Nicole Kidman’s character Celeste is looking for an apartment. Her husband’s streak of icy, violent cruelty has continued unabated. Watching her contemplate a picturesque view from the porch of a beautiful apartment directly on the beach in “Southwest Monterey,” I wondered how she was going to pay for it. It’s television, so I’ll never get an answer. I’m fine with that.

But considering Celeste’s potential escape and the lives of the other women on the show, some of whom work and others who decidedly don’t, a question I think about often continues to pop up: in a relationship, is it preferable to make more money than your partner or the other way around?

Despite the fact that relationships are often expensive to leave, say you’re in a relationship and you’re fine. Do you make more money than your partner? Do you even know? When pondering this question for myself, I came across this, from CNBC. Money, not sex, often breaks up relationships — not a lack of money, but a lack of transparency about said money.

So it’s money – not sex – that can bust up your relationship

Only half of the individuals surveyed know their significant other’s investment account balances.

Meanwhile, 32 percent don’t know how much their partner earns or the amount he or she has in bank accounts.

Not knowing how much your partner is saving for their retirement feels okay if you don’t see your partner as the one you’re going to be with forever, but not knowing what your partner makes seems strange to me. Money in relationships often translates directly to power; a fuck-off fund will give you power to leave, if needed.

I’ve thought about this often in the context of past relationships, where I’ve always been the one who makes less. Not feeling like I could pull my own weight in the shared costs of the relationship didn’t feel great, but being open about financial hardships helped to offset some of that anxiety. As a point of pride, making more money in a relationship might feel good, but it doesn’t really matter in the long run. Unless, of course, to you it does.

Is it irrelevant as long as you’re both honest with each other and yourselves about money and how it factors into your relationship? Personally, does it matter to you if you make more money or not?

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