The Cost of Keeping Up Appearances

A Friday chat!

NICOLE: Happy Friday!

ESTER: What do you have planned? Neither of us has as much upcoming excitement as Meghan, it doesn’t seem. (I also vote for bringing your BF’s parents a comestible like chocolate to say “It’s nice to meet you and I promise to be a good live-in partner to your son.”)

NICOLE: With a gender-neutral couch!

The Great Merger: What You Need to Know Before You Cohabitate

ESTER: Are some couches not gender-neutral, though? I was confused about that.

NICOLE: I think it’s sort of, “Is this a streamlined, mid-century modern look, or is it a floral chintz? Could this couch legitimately include a doily?” That kind of thing.

ESTER: OH SO WE’RE ONLY WORRIED ABOUT COUCHES BEING POTENTIALLY TOO FEMININE, HUH?

NICOLE: It’s like with clothes. “Gender neutral” means “slightly masculine.” Or maybe “not at all feminine.”

ESTER: Speaking of feminine, Meghan pointed out this piece in the Cut, which made me need a fainting couch. (Surely the most feminine couch of all!) (Close second: the loveseat …)

How to Create the Illusion That You’re the Effortlessly Perfect Wife

This poor woman feels like she needs to spend thousands of dollars to create “the illusion” that she’s a perfect wife. (So that her second husband won’t cheat on her? That’s not how that works …)

NICOLE: And she can’t talk about how much it costs because that ruins the illusion! I feel like this is how we get into those Ask Polly situations, where couples have no idea how the other spends money (or ignores student loan payments).

My favorite part of the essay was the part where the husband thought a full set of makeup cost $13, of course. But her itemized list of expenses isn’t unreasonable, really. Spending $300 on a dress isn’t … unreasonable. That’s kind of a mid-range, if you’re the kind of person who’s looking at the entire range of dress prices.

ESTER: I guess it depends how many $300 dresses you have. I think the most expensive dress in my closet cost me $150, and I have a handful in that range that I bought for formal occasions like weddings and galas. But fifteen $150 dresses would really add up.

NICOLE: Yeah, I think I spent $100–150 on dresses in the past — I feel like some of that Ann Taylor Loft sheath dress stuff fell into that range, back when I was working in DC — but right now I’m not spending that much.

ESTER: There’s all that other stuff in her budget too, though! And many of these look like regular expenditures:

There’s hair ($200 to $600). Brazilian ($70). Eyebrows ($20). Exfoliation ($20). Shaving ($10). Spray tan ($60). Shoes ($200). Dress ($300). Lingerie ($250). Accessories ($50). Makeup and skin care ($400). Manicures and pedicures ($60).

I wonder what her husband would say if she asked whether each one was worth it to him, or worth the price she was paying. Maybe he honestly doesn’t care about some of these things she assumes are mandatory. He seems to like the end result and prefer the utter lack of transparency — which is cool, I guess, as long as they have the funds to spend. But the article did make me want to track down couples and quiz them separately about what they think the other spends on their appearance and then compare those guesses to the actual amounts. And then maybe ask whether partners felt the actual numbers were worth it?

NICOLE: The husband in this piece is wearing Ecco shoes, so he’s paying $200 for his shoes too. It might be that they can afford it (great!) and they just don’t want to talk about it. But I absolutely agree: interviewing couples and quizzing them about what they think the other spends on their appearance sounds like a great idea. Should we ask for Billfold volunteers?

ESTER: Always!! I might ask couples in my friendgroup as well: does your partner know how much you spend on personal upkeep? Wanna put that assumption to the test?

I think the answers could be illuminating. Maybe someone would discover that their girlfriend really doesn’t give a shit if they get their eyebrows waxed and they could save $30!

NICOLE: Email notes@thebillfold.com if you want to be a part of this, y’all.

Support The Billfold

The Billfold continues to exist thanks to support from our readers. Help us continue to do our work by making a monthly pledge on Patreon or a one-time-only contribution through PayPal.