We Want to Believe: Sunscreen, Part I

Hi buds, we’re back! Today, your erstwhile beauty noobs are tackling sunscreen, or a lack thereof.

Meghan: Hello my fair-skinned friend!

Audrey: Ugh. My skin hates the sun and is a curse. I am so serious about sunscreen. I want to find the best sunscreen.

Meghan: Ditto. For context, readers, we are both the kind of pale that is politely described as “peaches and cream” but is more like fetal ghost covered in moles? Maybe? I have all of the danger markers of skin cancer, including those three tragic months in high school when I used a tanning bed thinking it might make my crush love me (SPOILER ALERT IT DIDN’T HE WAS GAY). I, too, have not found my sunscreen dream cream.

Audrey: My extremely helpful doctor told me I was a case of “not if but when” when it came to skin cancer. Thanks doc! I am nightmarishly unsuited to any outdoor activity!

Meghan: High five! I’ve already had a little cancer! Actinic keratosis, on my forehead. It’s like starter cancer. They gave me some chemo in a tube. It went away. So yeah, you know, we are sunscreen veterans.

What do you currently use as sun protection?

Audrey: Right, so, I have everyday face sunscreens I like. Note that these are what I wear for sun non-intensive activities like sitting inside near a window or dreaming about the beach. Anything involving actually going outside needs more serious protection. For winter wear, I enjoy this Boots No. 7 cream. It has anti-aging shit in it and is nice and thick for winter wind protection. For summer, Kiehl’s ultra facial moisturizer, an uncharacteristically fancy choice that I cannot recommend enough.

For real sun protection I use this Neutrogena stuff which is fine but I read about how it’s maybe not good to not use the barrier kind? But the barrier kind I use for my kid (Badger) is gross and ghostly? So I was hoping to get some help finding my dream screen for body/real sun exposure. What are you into these days?

Meghan: For a long time I used a combo face moisturizer/SPF, but I moved away from that when I started my #acneadventure. I also then started reading about the DEATH CHEMICALS that all sunscreens contain, which, that is something we also need to discuss because I am very confused about what is and isn’t okay, chemical-wise, and my adventures in natural deodorant and no-poo have not convinced me of the merits of a “clean” body.

All of that is to say that I now use this fancy seeming mineral “creme” from MD Solar Sciences on my face. It is SPF 50 and feels rather silky and pleasant on my face, and does not leave the white residue that other mineral sunscreens have. But it is way too expensive and fahnce to wear on my whole body. That’s my issue with mineral sunscreens for body: you have to use SO MUCH to get real coverage and they are NOT CHEAP. I tried the Aveeno physical block stuff but it was very ghoulish and difficult to shmear in. So I went back to using cheap chemical stuff — basically, whatever is on sale at the pharmacy. They all seem to “work” in the sense that as long as I am very fierce about reapplication and time spent in the sun, I do not burn.

Audrey: Yes, that chalky texture! I hate it! It just sits there not spreading like you’ve already gotten sand in it before you even get to the beach. Bleah. Then I never reapply because I hate it and then I get sunburned. Is there a magical solution? Perhaps not.

I thought the chemical kind had been decisively declared Bad, but then I read this from the environmental working group, which basically says we don’t know, everything is bad, we’re all going to die. (I’m ordering your creme off Amazon right now as we type that looks amazing.)

Meghan: Death by skin cancer or death by sunscreen chemicals: six of one, half dozen of the other. I feel about sunscreen the same way I feel about Tupperware, like when people start yelling at me to not microwave my food in a Tupperware — of ALL THE THINGS that are going to kill me, I doubt it will be this Tupperware. But what do I know?

I should be clear, too, that my primary form of sun protection is “don’t spend time in the sun.” I have a big hat with SPF IN IT (how????) and also wear long sleeves as much as possible. For the record, my dermatologist told me that no amount of sunscreen will protect the skin on your chest as it is simply too delicate, so I do a lot of draping.

Audrey: Wait, what? Is that true? Fuck. I am so fucked. I have had so many sunburns and I never wear the right clothes. Shit. I had an SPF-impregnated beach muumuu but I lost it. This is terrible. Okay.

Let’s do a test. Like brackets or something, find the One Sunscreen to Rule Them All. Do smart commenters have ideas? Maybe we can even do some real reporting and find out answers to questions like is everything over SPF 30 fake and what will kill us the fastest.

Meghan: Excellent idea. This is a call-out, commenters. What do you want to know about sunscreen? Are we going to get cancer? Which sunscreen is your go-to? We’ll test a few over the next couple of weeks and give our expert snow-princess opinions.

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