Drink Yourself Thin (In The Wallet)

On trying to replace one liquid vice with another

Next to shopping, Coca-Cola has been my biggest vice. I can’t even begin to calculate the amount of money that I have spent on 20 oz. bottles of that brown corrosive liquid, at $1.60 or more per bottle. And that doesn’t even count the one-liter and two-liter bottles, 16 oz. cans, and fountain drinks in small, medium or large, that I have sipped and slurped over my thirty-plus years of adult life.

I gave up soda pop this year for Lent. (“Soda” is what it’s called in California, but “pop” is what we called it in Pennsylvania.) What was I supposed to drink in place of my beloved cola? Besides orange or pineapple juice with breakfast and water throughout the day, tea became my staple.

My favorite tea, Numi Organic Tea in Honeybush, costs $6.99 for 18 bags and can mostly be found in specialty stores. Even though it cost more than two six-packs of Coke, I usually bought two boxes when I could find them. To add variety, I also kept a box of peppermint tea from my local grocery store in my kitchen cabinet. I tried to consider my hot Honeybush tea in the same way I thought of a cold glass of Coke: a refreshing reward at the end of a long workday or something to sip and savor on the weekends. But I missed the fizz and bite of Coke, a bite that was probably responsible for the loss of a lot of tooth enamel.

When I went out to eat, I substituted iced tea for soft drinks. At most places, it cost the same amount, so I wasn’t saving any money.

On Easter, I was prepared to binge on my now accessible Coca-Cola, but I got a headache before I even finished the first glass. After 46 days of abstinence, maybe my Coke days were over. If I didn’t save a lot of money, maybe I saved a sliver of the environment by not buying so many plastic bottles. Or maybe I increased the longevity of several of my internal organs.

But what would I drink now? I no longer craved a daily Coke like I used to, and not even ginger ale held the allure it once had. What could I drink that was tasty, refreshing, and cost effective?

A few weeks ago, one of my co-workers bought a Vita-Mix and gave me her old blender. Maybe I could make smoothies. Would making them at home cost less than going to Jamba Juice several times a week? I looked through one of the smoothie books that I bought at a thrift store months ago, when having a blender was still a dream, considering the fruit glossary at the front. I’m not really a fruit person. I’m not fond of apple juice or apple cider. Bananas give me gas. I can’t stand grape juice. I hate watermelon like the plague and most other melons turn my stomach too. Some berries are okay, but I don’t care for cherries. And I’m still undecided about mangos.

Then there were the non-fruit ingredients. Buttermilk — no. Yogurt — yuck. I hate everything tofu. Who wants to drink peanut butter? And I can’t buy anything in bulk. What if I don’t like the smoothie I made and I’m stuck with a bunch of stuff I don’t want to eat or drink?

I perused the recipes and almost every smoothie had at least one ingredient that I couldn’t stand.

What do other people drink? Besides soda, tea, fruit drinks, shakes and alcoholic beverages, what else is there to soothe a parched throat and provide nourishment? Coffee? Never been a fan. Milk? It’s okay with cookies, but not something I want to drink with dinner. In the past, I have mixed pineapple juice with coconut milk for something that tastes like a non-alcoholic piña colada. That may work as a special treat, but not as a daily meal accompaniment.

Life was simpler when I was a child and the anticipation of a frosty Yoo-Hoo could make my day.

I guess I’m back to tea. To save money, I could buy iced tea in a gallon jug. Even though it seems like a lot of effort, I could attempt to create smoothies to drink at home. While experimenting, I could start with individual pieces of fruit and small portions of the other ingredients, so I wouldn’t end up with a refrigerator full of low fat, but probably expensive, boysenberry yogurt. And when I’m really desperate, there is always free tap water.

All of this thinking about beverages has given me another headache. It used to be so easy, when all I needed was a Coke and a smile.

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