Oops: A Friday Chat

NICOLE: Happy Friday! Have you already paid your taxes, or is that happening this weekend?

MEGHAN: All done! I did mine a while ago — did you not read my Monday Check In?? I made money!

I see yours are done, too! How does it feel?

NICOLE: Ugh. I mean, I like taxes as a concept, I like paying what I owe, I do not like being told I owe more money than I had planned. More than that, I don’t like losing a bunch of savings. But I can’t do anything about it. The money is already gone. The money was never meant for me anyway! It was just, as Father Ted put it, “resting in my account.”

MEGHAN: As my boyfriend said last night, after paying his, “I’m not losing money; I was just overpaid.” This coming year will be my first as a freelancer, and guess how much I have been putting away…

(Guess zero. It’s zero.)

NICOLE: For, like, the estimated tax payment due on Monday?

MEGHAN: No, no, goodness no. This is for my 2016 taxes; my 2015 were taken care of, and I ended up getting a small refund. But it was an easy two-hour Turbo Tax exercise. It’s the coming year I’m worried about, since no tax has been coming out of my income.

NICOLE: I feel like I am going to be breaking some terrible news: 25 percent of your 2016 taxes are due on April 18.

MEGHAN: Um. Pardon?

NICOLE: Yeah, nobody told me the first year I freelanced either. So since the government doesn’t take taxes out of your freelance paychecks (because the government, just like you, doesn’t know when those paychecks are coming or who they’re coming from) you have to pay estimated taxes four times a year. April, June, September, and January. So on April 18 you’re supposed to pay taxes on everything you’ve earned from Jan 1-April 18, 2016.

MEGHAN: !!!!!

If the IRS is reading this Friday Chat, please look for my check in the mail.

(I AM DEFINITELY NOT READY FOR THAT.)

Is this true of Canada as well? According to the accountant I chatted with, it would appear I only need to pay taxes in Canada now that I’ve moved back. Please tell me this is not true of Canada.

NICOLE: I have no idea about Canada. Maybe everything is different there and I am giving you US-centric advice! I would for-sure talk to a Tax Professional.

MEGHAN: Wow, well, that certainly undercuts how grimly self-satisfied I’ve been for the last week. HAPPY FRIDAY.

NICOLE: It is going to be okay! I found out about estimated taxes the hard way and I survived. In the US at least, if you underpay your estimated taxes you might have to pay a small penalty. But I would talk to a Canadian tax person.

MEGHAN: I would give up endless personal privacy and freedom if some government entity could just scan my iris and deduct what is necessary from my bank account for taxes. That would not bother me one bit.

NICOLE: They wouldn’t even need to scan your iris; we can take pictures of our checks with our phones! Just send a snapshot of your check to the IRS, they can deduct what they need, and so on. OOH NEW APP IDEA: SNAPTAX. Like Snapchat but for taxes.

MEGHAN: You need to trademark that immediately.

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