How a Manager in a Long-Distance Relationship Does Money

Maddie (not her real name) is a 25-year-old manufacturing sector manager in Wisconsin.

So, Maddie, tell us a bit about your finances.

Okay! Well, I live in Wisconsin and my fiancé lives in California.

This year, after the last paycheck of 2015, I’ll have made $82,750.24.

Nice!

Yes! It’s really nice, especially because the Midwest is so cheap. (I live by myself, with one cat.)

I’m paid bi-weekly, and my post-tax, post-insurance, post-retirement contribution check is ~$1,700, $800 of which goes straight to savings. So right now I save about $1,600/month.

I paid off my car (way early!) in August, which is when I was able to really ramp up the savings. I currently have a little over $10,000 in a cash savings account.

You would fit right in with our “The Year I Saved $10,000” stories! Congratulations on the achievement.

Yes! Thank you!

So are you saving for anything, or just some kind of generalized “the future?”

Well, as stated above, my fiancé lives in California. I’d like to actually get married and LIVE TOGETHER, so I’m going to move out there.

He just started grad school in the fall (Ph.D. in an engineering field). Our agreement when he was applying was that if he got into one of his top three schools, we’d find a way to make it work. And if he didn’t, he’d go to a very-good-but-not-top-three school near me.

So that’s why I’m planning the very un-feminist move of moving to be with a boy, and my ridiculous savings stockpiling is to make sure I can move whether I have a job lined up or not.

I have also made this move. I’ve heard it’s the newest rite of passage for young adults.

Hah! I never really wanted it to be, but we’ve been long distance for SO LONG. Literally we only lived in the same city for the first two months of our 3.5-year relationship.

Do you travel to visit each other often?

We have a goal of seeing each other once a month. When he was an undergrad, he almost always came to visit me. When he started grad school, it became a lot easier for me to visit him. So now I fly out to see him about once a month.

We’re both from the same general region on the East Coast, so during the holidays we see each other AND our families.

Plane tickets to California are exactly $297 for a round-trip ticket, with the red-eye on the return flight, and purchased enough weeks in advance.

So our relationship costs ~$300/month in just airfare.

It could be worse! Do you cut back on other types of spending to counterbalance that cost?

Honestly, I don’t know. Probably? Like, if my long-term plan didn’t involve him, I might consider buying a house where I live now. It’s soooo cheap. But otherwise, I don’t have very expensive taste. I don’t feel like I’m really sacrificing anything.

We started dating when I was in college, so I’ve had a line item in my budget for dating him for my entire adult life.

I love this. Are you being serious, by the way? Do you have a written-out budget with line items?

I use Mint! So between when I graduated and lived in my home state, and a year ago when I took a promotion with a move to the Midwest, I literally had a “travel” budget of $400 every month.

And “travel” meant airfare to see him and food while I was there.

Weirdly, airfare to see him was more expensive when we lived closer together, because he went to college in a hub city. So now airfare is lower. I’ve also got a more flexible travel schedule because I got more vacation in exchange for less sick time, so I can just fly with the cheapest ticket.

Anyway, yes, for a long time I had a “travel” aka “boyfriend” budget.

What are your other major budget line items? Are you paying more on “rent” than on “travel,” for example? How about “restaurants?”

Yeah. So my rent is $755 (including pet fee ❤) for a small-for-here, large-if-it-were-a-city one-bedroom apartment.

I budget $260 for groceries and $40 for eating out in the evenings. Lunch out during work I count as sort of miscellaneous spending (miscellaneous is also a category), and I’d say I spend no more than about $350/month on food.

Like, NO MORE. That’s probably an overestimate.

What about your finances do you think you do well, and what do you wish you could do better?

Wow, tough question. I wish I did a little better sticking to individual budget line items (like not exceeding the budget for eating out for dinner). If I did that, I’d save more. But I do a good job of sticking to my overarching budget every month. The biggest reason for that, though, is I have enough money. I’m very aware that my salary is a lot of money for a single person living where I live.

When you move, do you figure your salary will be equally proportional to your expenses, or do you think you’ll have to either cut back on spending or save less? (I also understand this question may be in the context of going from a single living situation to sharing a home with your fiancé, so there are a lot of factors here!)

That depends on so much! Since he’s in school in the Bay Area, we really just have a goal of keeping our rent below his monthly salary. That’ll be around $2,000/month. Isn’t that crazy?? I think that’s crazy. And I’m just totally not sure what I’m going to do out there. If I decide to take a job similar to the one I have now, then yes, I think my expenses will be pretty proportional. But I’d be willing to take a much lower-paying gig if it were a little more fulfilling. I like what I’m doing now, but I’d be lying if I said I LOVED it.

That’s the other part of why I’m saving so much. I want the freedom to NOT save for a while if I need to in order to be happy in my work.

I have an engineering degree (not software/computers), so I’m not worried about not having enough options. Maybe I should be more worried about that.

Do you have an idea of what that fulfilling work might be? (WILL YOU SHARE YOUR SECRET CAREER DREAMS WITH US?)

Haha! So when I was in high school, I had this epiphany one day (story for another day) where I realized I just HAD to work with food. I really liked chemistry and calculus at the time, and I looked into open jobs in the food industry that sounded neat, and all of them listed my field of engineering as one of the majors they’d accept. So that’s what made me choose my college major.

I don’t work in the food industry now.

I would take a major pay cut to be an engineer at a food factory. I’m just making enough money now that it would feel irresponsible to jump into a lower paying track. But since it’s already irresponsible to move to California for a man, why not just heap on the food dreams too?

Is that a weird dream? Whatever.

Like, I LOVE food.

Did you read our recent Rambling Man advice about turning down a job to pursue a passion? I feel like it absolutely applies in your situation.

Yes! That’s me in a lot of ways. I’m SO SO SO Type A most of the time, but this just feels right.

So I’m not moving tomorrow or anything. But it’s happening.

This is where the Career Experts would say “start getting experience in your dream career now!” Is that possible in your area? Are there places you could visit, people you could meet, etc.?

See, that’s what kept me out in the first place. I’m sure there are places I could visit (what is the Midwest, if not one big food factory?). But the experience that fell into my lap in college was the track I’m on now.

But you’re right! There is zero reason why I shouldn’t at least try to visit some stuff.

You’ve just found my New Year’s resolution!

Yay!

Well, my work here is done. One last question: What advice do you have for other Billfold readers?

Ahhhh I think advice is so silly from a 25-year-old. And so much of why I feel like I have a lot of good choices now is just luck. Like, not everyone liked science from a young age. Not everyone has super-supportive parents who paid for college (thanks mom and dad!). I guess it’s not advice, but I generally think fortunate people like myself should try to remember that a lot of their good fortune has nothing at all to do with them. It helps keep you humble, aka tolerable.

Very true.

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