A Letter To My Holiday Self One Year From Now

A Letter to My Holiday Self One Year From Now: Do Better

Back in early October, when we began to be inundated with Christmas décor filling the shelves of retailers big and small, I laughed at the absurdity. Halloween was still weeks away, to say nothing of Thanksgiving. With that in mind I made a pledge to myself: take it one holiday at a time. But as the holidays came and went, “one holiday at a time” became a challenge, both for my wallet and my mental state.

With the December holidays almost at a close, the end is near. But the frantic energy of the season remains on the faces and in the checkbooks of everyone around me, except those right now wondering who still uses a checkbook. I can’t help but think about where I’ve gone wrong. From plane tickets and gift giving to meal preparation and fighting the holiday bulge, the costs are coming at me from all angles. If joy and merriment are free, why am I feeling so broke and borderline psychotic?

If joy and merriment are free, why am I feeling so broke and borderline psychotic?

Probably because I have let myself fall into the same holiday traps I’ve been stuck in so many times before: no Zen, no measured approach, no hope at avoiding disastrous holiday spending patterns. I’ve gotten sucked in, committed myself financially to things I don’t want to do, and slid into the vicious cycle of gift giving along with the rest of America. Together we are projected to spend over $630 billion on retail sales in the last two months of this year.

In an effort to prevent myself from yet another year of going off the deep end, I’m getting proactive and appealing to the 2016 holiday me, the one who I hope is sane, happy, and has money in the bank. God, she looks good.

Dear 2016 Holiday Me,

It is with great affection and hope for your future mental stability that I write to you, my dear self. It’s late September and you’re bidding adieu to the summer you so thoroughly enjoyed, save for that brutal elbow sunburn. But it’s time to get real. The holidays are on your doorstep and you must take a stand. A stand against the insanity of the season. A stand against the ridiculousness of last year, and every other year of your adult life thus far.

It seems like just yesterday you were a child and the chaos of the holidays was all but unknown to you. You planned your epic Halloween costume with the enthusiasm of Vegas showgirl (minus the thong), chowed down like a good, politically correct pilgrim at Thanksgiving and spread your joyous warmth at various December holiday celebrations, bopping from one snack tray to the next, decked out in your seasonal finery, waiting for the big one: New Year’s Eve; when you would stay up until midnight and dream of champagne toasted make-out sessions (remember, it’s you who’s writing this).

But things have changed and you know it. Now your enthusiasm will do nothing but lead you down a dark path — one that you will not emerge from until late January, ten pounds heavier and using change to buy subway tickets until payday.

This is what you must do to save your pennies and your brain this holiday season:

1. Don’t buy in. Close your mind to the consumerism around you, treat the holiday season like any other season and ignore most of it. You’ll wonder why everyone keeps offering you free drinks, but ignorance is bliss and, in many cases, intoxication.

2. Don’t go home. Newsflash: You don’t have to go home. Celebrate a drama-free, didn’t-cost-you-a-black-market-organ, holiday season. Turkey on your terms, Santa all to yourself, winning big at dreidel every time. It’s a beautiful vision.

3. Group gifts. As #1 is likely to only last you so long, curtail the gift spending and go for one per designated group. Families, roommates, even colleagues can all receive one collective present that not only says you care, but also that you’re fostering togetherness. Ah, the true spirit of the season. The Yule Log video, a Mr. T Chia Pet, re-gifting that jumbo box of Andes mints from your boss. The possibilities are endless.

4. Focus on self-improvement. Start meditating, kick your physical activity up a notch, give yourself a mistletoe and quinoa facial, hold a one person book club with your ultimate VIP (okay, Oprah won’t actually attend), take walks around the city — a cost-free adventure featuring fresh air. Then, come January 1, you’ll be feeling better, not worse. Jesus, it’ll be 2017 by then. Note: Add “develop an eye cream regiment” to your New Year’s resolution list.

All of the above are easier said than done, especially given the holiday pressures of family, workplace stress and social engagements. But pledge to make this year different. Make this the year about celebrating what you want, where you want, with whom you want. Like a Hallmark card for your soul.

Take it from your 2015 holiday self, the one who is standing two feet from the ledge a week before Christmas in a highly questionable outfit: a minimally invasive, happy holiday season that doesn’t leave you strapped for cash and playing catch up into February is just what you need for a positive, peaceful start to 2017. Well, that and a raise.

Yours truly,

2015 Holiday You

When not perpetrating ridiculousness on the streets of New York City, Casey Coler is at work on Ridiculous in the City, an epic chronicle of ridiculousness for our times.

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