Real Talk Résumé

At Huffpost Comedy, Christine Egan provides what she calls her “real” resume:

To not have you hire someone 15 years younger for a lot less money.

Usually too much. Otherwise not quite enough.

Responsibilities Include: Pretending not to mind that my boss is 29. Doing work above my pay grade without credit. Doing work below my pay grade with too much credit. Masking bitterness and resentment. Saying “pay grade” with a straight face.

Undergraduate Education:
Absurdly expensive. And a really long time ago. Jesuits present. Boyfriends lame. Plays performed. Beer plentiful, more of it than you might think courtesy of aforementioned Jesuits. Thank you for not asking about my GPA.

Ever used a friend as a reference? Christine Egan has too!

I haven’t looked at my résumé in quite a long time. What if we included our student loan debt next to our college education as a way to imply that we’ve got bills to pay and as such will require a certain amount of pay?

Photo: Billy Brown