The Cost of Date Night (And the Morning After)

by Anonymous

I had this date with a guy I was really excited about (he was a social justice law student!). Since he was a student, we split the cost of our beers. But I also brought a flask because I was broke. We got really drunk, talked about ethical city planning and tenant organizing, and then had a night of romance at my apartment. In the morning I was too hungover to attend the cemetery tour I had already bought a ticket to, and I had to borrow money from my best friend to get through the other tasks I needed to do, as shown below. After a week of no communication, the man reached out to say he was “emotionally unavailable” and then I didn’t hear from him for six months. Last month he wrote and apologized. Now he wants to be friends. He’s still on OkCupid if you’re interested.

Date night:
$37, bottle of vodka that was used in flask
$35, beers
$3, pizza
$6, condoms

Morning after:
$1, apple I gave him so he wouldn’t be hungry
$50, plan B
$20, lost cemetery tour ticket
$3, egg and cheese sandwich
$2, artisanal ginger ale
$12.49, box of oxyclean for blood stains
$8, laundry
$25, dinner with best friend to analyze why he wasn’t calling
$12, book he recommended that I was now curious about
$2, box of tissues to cry about his disappearance
$10, pregnancy test
$50, STD test

Total cost: $276.49, my dignity, my optimism

Anon. would totally use her name except, hi mom.