Item #1 in Our Valentine’s Day Gift Guide: The Vagisoft Blanket

Okay we do not have a gift guide for Valentine’s Day but if we did, this curiously-named fleece blanket would be at the top:

Why is this blanket so soft? Because it’s made from 100% pure Vagisoft. And just how soft is Vagisoft? Let us explain:

Once upon a time, the world of tactile technology was satisfied with “soft as a baby’s bottom” as the measure of absolute softness. Anyone who dared name something “softer than” the aforementioned infant’s posterior was suggesting a theoretical world of softness that existed beyond the understanding of mortal man.

The blanket measures a “spacious” (…) 54″ x 70″ and is currently OUT OF STOCK. How rude. You’ll be glad to hear, though, that you can still buy a nice pair of black “vajamas” for a mere $76.50.

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