In Search of Powerful, Likeable Woman to Emulate

Over at The Cut, Ann Friedman riffs on the possibility of being a powerful, likeable woman. She discusses this through the lens of her likeability inspiration Jenna Lyons, the much-admired president and creative director of J. Crew.

I do think it’s a bit ridiculous to try and emulate the interpersonal skills of someone you don’t personally know or have ever worked with, but I guess it’s more about the idea of Jenna Lyons — the possibility of her, and the possibility of being both powerful and well-liked (and well-dressed):

So I’m certainly not suggesting women strive for an abstract, catch-all ideal of likability. That doesn’t exist. Rather, it’s probably better for each of us, as individuals, to think of the traits that are common among the people we hold in high regard, and then emulate them.

To me, this is fundamentally different than subsuming your personality or swallowing your opinions in an empty bid for non-threatening popularity. It’s just a smart way to live. Rather than train myself to ignore how other people feel about me, I’d prefer to aim for the kind of competent, charismatic appeal that Lyons exudes. It’s tough to find a balance, and there’s a danger that holding Lyons up as an example creates just another standard that’s impossible for women to meet. But I prefer to see a glimmer of hope in those quotes from her staff that there is a middle ground. You can be successful without shutting down your emotions and ignore all external feedback. You can be liked without being a doormat. And it’s okay to want it both ways.

I admit I am turned off by the idea of striving for likeability, or at least to admitting to it publicly, but I am not in power and everyone likes me so ¯_(ツ)_/¯.

Either way, here’s to valuing and aspiring to the kinds of qualities Friedman lays out in her piece — compassion, competence, insight, empathy, assertiveness — and holding onto these things as we all slowly inch toward world domination. Or something.

Photo: Elliot Stokes

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