What Kind of Candy Are We Getting for Halloween This Year?

By Logan Sachon October 28, 2013

Okay what do we have here, what can we learn. Alright, first insight: People who purchase their Halloween candy from Amazon know exactly what is up with Halloween candy. Appeal to those candy-gobbling masses, appeal to me. Miniature, on-brand candy bars. Cannot go wrong. You’re doing exactly right. You’re doing great.

Insight: Elaborate Breaking Bad costumes will be prevalent.

And why isn’t there an image for Haribo gummy bears. It’s like the most famous candy, internationally? Does that sound right? A fact which can be proven, I’d argue, because the product is in the bestsellers list Without a Picture. Branding. Good brand, Haribo.

Insight: You really do have only two options when it comes to good Halloween candy: tiny candy bars or Reese’s cups. Those are the options. America, I’m glad you know the options.

But also: YummyEarth Organic Lollipops are going to be a hit, too. Have you had them? I bought a bag once because I was like, look, it’s health, in candy form — it’s basically kale. But: tastes like kale, too. Have fun with that, youth of America.

Who are these people who buy Laffy Taffy???????

Question: Which came first, Yummy Earth Organic Lollipops, or YumEarth Organic Lollipops? It’s someone’s job to know that and argue about that in court. Probably several someones.

Again with the Laffy Taffy. Monsters.

Support The Billfold

The Billfold continues to exist thanks to support from our readers. Help us continue to do our work by making a monthly pledge on Patreon or a one-time-only contribution through PayPal.