A Friday Chat About Mother’s Day Deals

And how do you “prove” you’re a mom?

NICOLE: Happy Friday! Let’s see what political news story breaks in the time it takes us to complete this chat.

MEGAN: Oh my god hello, happy Friday, and I REALLY HOPE NOTHING DOES. This has been the kind of week where I feel like looking for an off-switch, like grabbing the internet and turning it over to find the reset button. BUT THERE ISN’T ONE BECAUSE THIS IS REAL.

NICOLE: I don’t really have a response to that because it’s true. And hiding from Twitter and the news doesn’t make it go away.

MEGAN: Yeah, the thing is, even if you do try to hide, you always find out. You overhear someone talking about something something Comey something Trump something ice cream on the street and that’s JUST enough to make you open your phone and look. And even if you like, sit in your closet with a towel over your head ignoring it, when you emerge from your fake vacation, all the shit is still happening! And you just missed a bunch of stuff, but there’s more stuff that rushes in to fill the void!

NICOLE: I cannot believe the ice cream thing! It’s funny that I could believe all of the Comey stuff much more quickly than I can fathom the idea of a man asking his staff to put two scoops of ice cream on his plate while everyone else gets one.

MEGAN: Honestly, I bet it wasn’t that he asked, I guarantee that they just… knew to do it. If they don’t do it, there’s trouble.

Aside from this shitstorm, what else are you thinking about? To be honest, I am only thinking about this shitstorm, but I’m also thinking about Mother’s Day because it’s my mom’s birthday AND my sister’s birthday today, and then the day to celebrate my mother is on Sunday. Tricky timing.

NICOLE: Do you celebrate twice? Three times? Or do you roll it all up into one?

MEGAN: When the stars align and Mother’s Day and the birthdays happen on the same day, we celebrate all in one. But since my mom lives across the country and was just in New York like, two weeks ago, we did most of the celebrating/friendly bickering then, and now I have to make a phone call and make sure the flowers/etc get there on time. I just think it is hilarious and also maybe rude that my mom was in labor on her birthday on what might have also been Mother’s Day with my sister.

NICOLE: With a little soft focus and the right music, that story could become a perfect Hallmark commercial. It would end with the partner bringing in a birthday card for the mom, a Mother’s Day card for the mom, and a birthday card for the newborn. I’m already wanting to buy Hallmark products just thinking about it!

MEGAN: I like that these chats often birth really great ideas for us to make a shitload of money really quickly. That commercial you just pitched is our ticket to the big time!

NICOLE: HALLMARK: CONTACT US. I know you corporations all track your names on Google Alerts.

MEGAN: …if this really happens, though, I’d be pumped. HALLMARK HALLMARK. Have you done all the things you need to for Mother’s Day?

NICOLE: My mom lives too far away for me to visit in person, but I have sent a card and I will call this weekend. We’re not a Mother’s Day gift family, and we weren’t really a Mother’s Day brunch family. The year I worked in food service I worked the Mother’s Day brunch, of course, and it was INTENSE. So many lobsters and egg whatevers!

MEGAN: Oh god, I have memories of like, trying to go to a place for Mother’s Day brunch, seeing the lines and being like, hmmmm… I guess we don’t have to do this and eating dim sum or something else. Also, lobster is a LOT OF LOOK for a brunch item!

NICOLE: This midwestern restaurant prided itself on being, like, the only place in 100 miles that had lobster. We did not have a Red Lobster, that is how rural midwestern we were.

MEGAN: Haha, awwww, that is kind of endearing.

NICOLE: I also found this lovely document listing all of the places moms can eat for free on Mother’s Day:

All the Places Where Moms Can Get Free Food on Mother’s Day 2017

Some of these places are only giving out a free appetizer, or a $10 coupon. But there is at least one free lunch out there:

Wienerschnitzel: Moms can eat free this Mother’s Day at Wienerschnitzel. The deal is good for one chili dog, small fries and a small soda. The company asks for proof of “mom-bership” for interested mothers.

MEGAN: “Mom-bership” and the proof… how do you prove that a person is your mom? I mean, besides the obvious like, “we have the same last name” but, what if you don’t? What if your mom kept her maiden name? What if your mom got re-married??? What if… how do you prove this. Wienerschnitzel, I need answers.

NICOLE: And does the child have to be present, or can the mom just go up and claim her own dog? That plus the “you have to prove you’re a mother” thing makes it a little weird. Also, the Wienerschnitzel website notes that cheese is extra. Come on!

MEGAN: Maybe a mom could leave the kids at home, take a family photo + some birth certificates(??) in to a Wienerschnitzel and then just be like, “Hey, my present to myself is a freaking hot dog, I guess I’ll pay for the cheese, here’s my family, there I am” and have that be that. What employee would besmirch a mom who’s just trying to eat a hot dog and have some peace?

NICOLE: Megan, someone asked the Wienerschnitzel Twitter feed if “fur children” count.

MEGAN: Hmmm… while it’s been really fun living here, I think it’s time to retreat to my closet/towel over the head/silent meditation retreat for perhaps the rest of my life.

NICOLE: Deep breaths. We can do this. We’ve made it all the way to Friday once again.

Support The Billfold

The Billfold continues to exist thanks to support from our readers. Help us continue to do our work by making a monthly pledge on Patreon or a one-time-only contribution through PayPal.