On A First Date, Who Pays, & Who Takes To The LA Times To Complain
How do you know if you’re being used?

It is both a blessing and a blind spot that I haven’t dated since I was 18 years old. It means I read stories like this one, from the LA Times, and I’m part grateful and part bemused: I can’t tell to what degree exactly the author, who lodges a complaint against a woman for using him for a free meal, is delusional.
As proof of his assertion that , he lays out the following evidence:
- He asked her out for drinks and she countered, “Maybe we can grab dinner sometime.”
- He said sure and that his Tuesday was free. She replied, “Let’s do Saturday.”
- At the restaurant (which he chose and at which he told her about his restauranteur father), she … ordered food?
- He asked her how much he should tip. She replied “20%.”
Doesn’t seem damning to me, but again, what do I know? I guess she had too many opinions?
Here’s how he describes their first date:
I suggested we try a new Italian restaurant in Silver Lake where an old friend of mine works. I wasn’t looking for a free dinner, but I was hoping to surprise him, and I was hoping that once this girl saw my restaurant connections, she’d be impressed enough to take me seriously as a romantic partner. The stakes were high for a first date. I felt like I was being pressured to overplay my hand, but I wanted to try this restaurant anyway, and going there with a pretty girl felt better than going there alone.
When we sat down for dinner, she suggested we order a bottle of wine. So much for “not huge into drinking.” Then she started suggesting items to share, which slowly crept into the $80 range. I declined on the bottle of wine but was too tempted by the various entrees to let her starve. We ordered four dishes to share, and I didn’t have to fight her for the privilege of paying the whole $130 check myself.
$130 for two people is not inconsiderable. But he picked the place as part of a ploy to impress her; he knew it wasn’t an Applebee’s. Since he asked her out, and he chose the restaurant, traditional etiquette dictates that he would pay, regardless of gender. Still, did she offer to at least split the check? That would have been nice of her. From his bitterness I guess not, though he doesn’t say. “I didn’t have to fight her” is how he puts it, and I have no idea what that means.
As he tells the story, she then becomes creepy by letting him know via text she has made plans to try his dad’s restaurant. This restaurant is a public place whose existence she learned about from him. But if she is trying to flatter him by letting him know that she retained the information he shared with her and is excited to act on that intel, she fails.
He laments, “Could it be that another poor sucker had been roped into sating this girl’s fine-dining craze?” And this is where he really loses me, on both a language level (you can’t sate a craze, and two nice meals in two weeks hardly rises to the level of a craze anyway) and a moral one. He asked her out and she went. She had a good time and told him afterwards she’d love to see him again. She doesn’t ghost. When he tells her she made him feel uncomfortable when she invites him to accompany her to his dad’s restaurant, she immediately apologizes and backs off. Isn’t that more or less how dating is supposed to go? Why does he feel aggrieved?
Honestly, I’ve read this thing through at least five times and I still don’t have an answer to that question. So I turn to you, dear readers. Help me understand: did this mystery woman mess up, or is he a bit unhinged? Is “dating for free meals” even a thing?
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