You Think You Know How Much Your Partner Earns But You Think You Know How Planes Fly Too

There are so many mysteries in this world of ours: how airplanes stay up; how prices stay down; how television gets inside the flat box on our wall. The biggest mystery of all, potentially? How much money our significant others make.

According to Fidelity Investments®’ 2015 Couples Retirement Study, although the overwhelming majority of couples (72 percent) say they communicate exceptionally or very well when it comes to financial matters, more than four in 10 (43 percent, up from 27 percent in 2013) couldn’t correctly identify how much their partner makes — and of that, 10 percent were off by $25,000 or more.

Yes, you got that right. There is a mystery sleeping in bed with you every night, a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in Snoopy pajamas, and you should shake it awake, ideally at 4:23 AM, and demand that it reveal its secrets.

Also you should ask yourself whether you are communicating honestly with your partner about what you earn, and if not, why not? Is it because, like many people, particularly Americans, you’re worrying more and planning less? I sympathize with that. There seem to be so many things to worry about these days, especially things about which we have little to no control. ISIS, Ebola, global warming. Atticus Finch is a racist. Donald Trump is polling alarmingly well. El Chapo is once again on the run. The world’s problems can seem overwhelming and it’s tempting to throw up one’s hands about all of it, take a Xanax, and binge-watch the quippy, foul-mouthed, yet somehow romantic new Amazon Prime series Catastrophe.

But you really will feel better if you handle the small stuff that is within your power. For example: my little brother is about to move in with his girlfriend. It’s the first time he has ever lived with a significant other, and though I am proud of him for Adulting like a champ and adding another merit badge to his collection, I also gave him a little lecture about transparency, especially when it comes to finance, and suggested he read over this now classic list of Questions Couples Should Ask Each Other Before They Get Married.

Even if you didn’t discuss any of those questions in advance, you can still catch up. Like, maybe set a timer, agree to talk about finances with your partner for 30 minutes, and then reward yourself by watching two episodes of Catastrophe together. That will serve you well in the long term.

Besides, when so many couples break up over money (or sex), consider the occasional awkward conversation an investment in the long-term security of your relationship.

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