If We Gave Oprah a Car

Mike: Ester, if I accumulate enough wealth, will I run over someone with my car?

Meaghan: Lol, “accumulate.”

Ester: No man. You will be a KIND rich person like me. We will not even have cars.

Mike: Who needs cars.

Ester: We will give cars away to other people, like Oprah. I mean, like Oprah does
but hell we’ll give Oprah a car too for being a nice lady.

Mike: Omg, I want to give a car to Oprah.

Meaghan: What kind of car would you give Oprah?

Mike: Hah, maybe like a sensible family sedan? Lol, clearly I know cars.

Ester: Hahahahhahaha

Meaghan: Ha. There is a car for sale for $900 on my block, maybe I would give her that one. It is like a brown Datsun.

Ester: I would give her a special flying car. She deserves it.

Mike: Does that … exist?

Ester: For Oprah it would.

Mike: How do you think Oprah would react if we were actually like, Oprah, we got you a brown Datsun.

Meaghan: Lol. She would cry, in a good way. Then give it to one of her gardeners.

Ester: Exactly.

Meaghan: http://instagram.com/p/m5mbCvyS27/#

Oprah: Just picked ‘me. gonna cook ’em for Easter dinner. #turnip greens #harvestday

Would you stipulate that Stedman was not allowed to drive the flying car?

Mike: Can I tell you guys my favorite Oprah story?

Meaghan: Obviously.

Ester: Pls.

Mike: Okay here it is:

Oprah: I remember once when Gayle came to my house: I was already making a lot of money, and she was making not a lot of money. And we discovered I had $422 in my pocket.

Gayle: $482.

Oprah: Okay, $482.

Gayle: But who’s counting?

Oprah: I had $482 just sort of stuck into a coat pocket.

Gayle: In your pants pocket. You know how sometimes you just find a five? Or a 20 is like, whoo! She pulls out $482…in $20s. And I’d gotten to Chicago on a Super Saver ticket; you know, back when you had to buy 30 days in advance for a decent price. She was living in Chicago, and I was married, and we had scrimped — I remember that once Billy and I didn’t have $10 to go to the movies. He was in law school and I was the only one working. So for her to pull out $482 was like, wow! She goes, “God, where’d this come from? You want it?” And I went, “Oh, no. No. I’m good. I’m fine.” But I’m thinking, “God, that would pay the light bill, the phone bill, the gas bill.” And she just puts it back. It’s probably still in that damn pocket. She was just extending a gesture, just being nice: “Oh, you want it?”

Oprah: But years later, she said, “You remember that time you pulled out the $482?”

Gayle: I said, “I wanted that money so bad!”

Oprah: “I needed that money so bad, but I wouldn’t take it.” You know what that’s like? That is incredible for somebody like me who lives in a world where everybody wants a piece of you. I mean, people feel they deserve a piece of you. Strangers think that.

Gayle: Now I happily accept all gifts. [Laughter] No, but I just wouldn’t have felt right.

Oprah: She’s never asked me for a dime. There is a level of mutual respect that comes from being with somebody you know doesn’t want anything from you but you. There will never be an ulterior motive. I have to say, this would have been a much different relationship had that ever happened.

(From O Magazine, August 2006)

Meaghan: “You want it?”

Mike: I mean, right?

Meaghan: I feel like Oprah should have insisted.

Mike: I totally feel Gayle here.

Meaghan: Or sneakily put it in Gayle’s pocket. Ha, yeah no you’re right. It would have messed up their dynamic.

Ester: Ughhhhhghghh. But that’s so wrong!

Mike: Why.

Meaghan: Ha, which part.

Ester: That dynamic is clearly already messed up. Of COURSE she should have given her the cash.

Meaghan: Ha.

Ester: Of COURSE she should have taken it.

Mike: I would not have taken it.

Meaghan: I think that Gayle had to say no but still she should have somehow gotten the money.

Mike: Yes. I mean, it pays a debt, it would have saved my poor Cosette, but I would not have taken it.

Ester: Yes, I agree. Hahahahahahahha. Oh gosh what a mess that musical is.

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