Ways to Figure Out Who You Are Really and What You Want in Life

• A hat that talks and tells you who you are, essentially.

• A psychic who you run into on the street and something about her is different than all the other psychics you run into on the the street and you go into her little office and she tells you there is this job on this website and you have to apply for it and you will get it and then she doesn’t charge you because she doesn’t feel like it and also she knows you don’t have any cash.

• A friend who applies to jobs for you because that is her hobby, she really enjoys it actually.

• An old man in a bar who sees into your soul and tells you what is up.

• A date that is terrible except for at the end of the date the dude says, I don’t know much, but I know you are supposed to be a spy.

• A website where you upload your resume and then someone actually gives you a job from it, like really, this particular website is searched constantly by people who have jobs to give, and they give you one.

• A similar website where an agent negotiates your salary for you and also a four-day work week because you are at your best when you have three-day weekends and don’t have to stress about asking for time off.

• A book that you find on a bench and it’s an old Czech novel but actually it’s a secret message left there for you by a spy to invite you into the spy-hood.

• A person who just straight-up recruits you to be a spy.

• A mirror where you look in it and it shows you as you should be and you look like a spy.

• A nap where you have a dream about you are are inherently (a spy) and when you wake up you know the truth has visited you and you change everything to make that truth real.

• A mushroom that gives you only true visions and no bullshit.

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