Hey Jealousy

TO: Logan
FROM: Beth
SUBJECT: No subject

Hi Logan. I’m hoping you can help me with something. My best friend just started a new job. She’s happy, I’m happy for her, blah blah blah. But I’m also not that happy for her, because she is now making way more money than I am. “It’s not a competition,” I know, but a big part of our friendship has always been commiserating about being broke. And now she’s not broke, and I’m still broke. We email throughout the day, and we used to send each other links to things we wanted to buy but knew we could never buy. And now she is sending me links to stuff she’s bought! She just bought her dream boots which were also my dream boots and I’m so jealous I could scream. [screams] We haven’t seen each other since the new job, but I’m totally dreading it because we used to be PBR girls ($, you know?) and I’m sure she’s going to order Ketel martinis and then I’m going to be sipping on my shitty beer, and then I’m going to die. Any advice you have would be appreciated.

TO: Beth
FROM: Logan
SUBJECT: Re: No subject

Beth this is a really tricky one. Really, really tricky. Can your friendship survive this change in income brackets? I think that’s what you’re really asking me. And the answer to that is: I don’t know.

Syke, the answer is yes, duh. Maybe it’ll be rocky for a minute but here’s what’s going to happen. She’s still going to end up being broke a bunch of the time. Her paycheck changed, not her personality. If she was spending all her money before, she’s going to be spending all her money now. I mean I don’t wish that for her, but it’s probably the way it’s going to play. So good news! You’ll be broke buddies again.

OR MAYBE, seeing her happy with money is going to light a fire under you to get a second job or a better job so you can play look-at-my-new-boots, too.

Until then, you’ve got to deal with your feelings with some zen moves.

First: Your friend isn’t trying to be a braggy b. She didn’t have money for a long time and now she has money and she’s really excited. She wants to share that excitement with you! Too bad her excitement is clouding her ability to see that you’re totally bummed out by her good fortune. BUT BETH. What is the alternative? That she hides the purchases from you, because she feels bad that she is now a rich queen and you are still poor in the gutter and cannot deal with her good luck? I feel like that would be a more upsetting scenario. When she sends you boot links now, she is being honest. She is genuinely happy and she wants to share that happiness with you. That’s what friends do! So try to remember that. She’s not trying to be braggy. She is trying to share her happiness.

My guess is that she hasn’t lightbulbed yet that even though her life is perfect and awesome now, your life is still real hard. She’ll get there. And it might be because you have to talk to her about it. Just talk about how you feel — not about what she’s doing. And she’ll totally get it. She was you mere moments ago.

Also I think you’re totally wrong to be worried about the bar situation. Go the bar with your friend. Go to the bar tonight. The bar is going to be the same. Order PBRs for the two of you, cheers her to her good fortune and hard work. Later if she orders a Ketel martini, she’ll order you one, too, and buy that round. She is your best friend, not a monster.

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