My Last Hundred Bucks: Journey to a Puppy

by Pearl Higgins

$100 is a lot of money and not a lot of money at all. Where did your last hundred bucks go, Pearl Higgins?

$45.59, Gas. My friends got a new puppy. He is only four months old, and we all know that the puppy window is a small adorable window. I couldn’t get to Rochester fast enough.

$10.10, Toll from Albany to Rochester. Ouch New York, ouch.

$3, Peanut butter animal-shaped dog treats for the puppy. It’s bad form to visit a new puppy with nothing for the new puppy. Turns out it’s also bad form to come bearing peanut butter-flavored treats for your peanut-allergic host.

$20, Broccoli and cheddar omelet with an english muffin, hash browns, and tea. We went out for drinks the night before, and they covered my T. Collins, so I put in more for breakfast at the diner. This breakfast easily weighed four pounds, so dollar for pound it was a good deal regardless.

$4, Mushroom pizza at the Sbarro at the Clifton Springs travel plaza. I was hungry, and I ran before I left Rochester, so I decided to reward myself with pizza. The pizza decided to reward me with the bloat for the remainder of the drive.

$2.50, Tea. I got a hot tea from the Starbucks at another travel plaza on the way home, because I drove another 80 miles, and I decided that warranted another reward. Regardless of what style of training my friends will be using with their new puppy, it’s pretty clear that I’ve treat-trained myself.

$10.10, Toll from Rochester to Albany. This stung a little more when there wasn’t a puppy waiting for me on the other side of the toll booth.

Pearl Higgins would like an adulthood mulligan.

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