The Day After Tomorrow’s Storm Preparations

by Mike Dang and Logan Sachon

Logan: STORMAGEDDON. FRANKENSTORM. ALL HALLOWS STORM. THE LION THE WITCH AND THE STORM ROBE. HOCUS STORMUS.

Mike: This storm does not bode well for your apocalyptic sensibility.

Logan: I guess I don’t get it. What should we be doing? Is the whole city going to flood? Tell me what to do, Mike.

Mike: Remember Hurricane Irene last year? The only real things I did were buy a flashlight in case the power went out, and filled my tub with water for toilet flushing purposes. I didn’t stock up on canned food, or anything like that.

Logan: I wasn’t living here then! I was in Virginia, with my parents and a generator and a lifetime supply of Perrier.

Mike: Oh, I bet your parents were very prepared. I was out of the evacuation zone, so I didn’t worry too much about it. I remember going to the grocery store with the intention of stocking up on supplies, and thinking, “Well what do I actually want?” I came home with a carton of ice cream and ate it that night.

Logan: Proud of you. For eating ice cream.

Mike: But as you know, I also always have a ton of CLIF bars on hand. I figured I could just eat those if I needed to.

Logan: Would you feel guilty eating them?

Mike: You mean, instead of passing them out to survivors on the street? Maybe a little bit. Are you planning on stocking up for this storm though? I mean, you don’t seem like the run-to-the-store-and-buy-all-the-non-perishables sort of person.

Logan: No, I’m not at all that type of person. But I’m also not the type of person to keep any food in my house at all. Every now and then I think, You know, it would probably be a good idea to buy a flat of water and some cans of baked beans and just put them in my closet.

And so this is reminding me of that 1 thing I should probably do. Other things I don’t have: Flashlights, candles, emergency radio, emergency iPhone charger (is that a thing?). An umbrella is another thing I don’t have. I did have one. I had two! But now I don’t have any at all.

Mike: Well, you just made yourself a list! Will you get any of that this weekend?

Logan: I might. Maybe I’ll make a game of it. Twenty dollars and twenty minutes in CVS, survival kit, GO. Okay $20 isn’t enough at all actually. That would be like, one tea light and two batteries.

Mike: I have a bag of 100 tea lights from Bed Bath and Beyond that I think I bought for $5. They’re the only candles I really have, but that’s what I got.

Okay, so Mayor Bloomberg said there won’t be any mandatory evacuation for Zone A yet. Do you know what Zone you live in?

Logan: Hahahha. Noooo. But evacuating seems a mess. Will not be doing.

Mike: Okay, well, I live in a non-flood zone, so you can always stay with me. I looked your place up on a map, and it looks like you’re in Zone B.

Logan: Thank you for doing that. When is this supposed to happen?

Mike: Well, “early next week” is what the media is saying — Sunday night possibly — which is why I think people are using this weekend to prepare.

I just Googled “Good Storm Food” and got this nice bit of advice: “Give yourself permission to indulge in some junk foods. Every storm threat brings a run on Twinkies and the like.”

Logan: Haah. Okay. So Twinkies and candles. Sounds good. Sounds great actually. Sounds like a really fun Friday night. On it.

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