Five Points of Advice to Young People on the Spending and Earning of Money, Part Four: Drugs and…

By The Billfold May 30, 2012

Five Points of Advice to Young People on the Spending and Earning of Money, Part Four: Drugs and Prostitution

by John Fram

AUTHOR’S NOTE: The Author would like to make perfectly clear, before beginning, that he/she does not in any way sanction, condone, or otherwise recommend the selling of illegal substances or one’s body, and said bodily services as a means of making income. However, as outlined below, he/she does not judge those that take this path, as he/she understands that hunger is a force to be reckoned with.

1) Do not sell drugs or prostitute yourself unless you are prepared to make severe consequences in all aspects of your former life.
a. As mentioned above, the Author does not judge any Young Spender who decides that their best chance to survive and/or flourish invulves criminal activity. However, the Author hopes the Young Spender will take into account some of the ramifications this will have on his/her life, or, rather, the life he leaves behind.
i. Do accept the fact that the people you once knew will see you (irreparably) differently.
1. Those you once knew may be envious of your new Prada shoulder bag, Gucci overcoat, Doc Martins already with bone fragments in the sules.
2. Those you once knew may not recognize you under your heavy mascara, the shifty math behind your hooded eyes, your skin gone pale from too much night walking.
3. Those you once knew may ask you questions, none of which you need to answer:
a. Where have you been?
b. How did you get tied up into this?
c. How much would a baggy cost me? (Answer: the same as everyone else.)
d. How long have you been doing this?
e. Is this really the same boy with the mousy hair I remember from third grade?
ii. Do not be surprised to find yourself making choices between friends and business. These choices can take the form of:
1. Whether to take payment in sex or in cash. (Advice: This is especially prevalent in the narcotics trade. Remember that sex will not buy groceries.)
2. Whether to consciously feign feelings for a business partner so as to ensure future and/or more remunerating transactions. (Advice: This issue is especially prevalent in prostitution. Remember: you are only the simulacrum of a boy/girlfriend, not the “real deal.” However, maintaining this illusion, and, subsequently, simulating the ways relationships intensify in affection can prove financially beneficial.)
3. Whether to allow yourself or your friends to spend time in prison. (Advice: This issue is prevalent in both professions. Remember that “loyalty” is a cultural artifact from the days before the second President Bush, and one with little bearing on the issues of the modern day.)
iii. In the same way that old friends will most likely become unable to recognize you, new friends will, having no old life with which to compare you, see you as whoever you present yourself to be. This could be the chance you have always dreamed of:
1. As hinted at above, changes in physical appearance, which the Young Spender may at one time have been too shy to carry out, or too settled within the image others had of him to pursue, can now be explored to the most wild degree, and may even be good for business.
a. When selling narcotics, a look of distracted hyper-trendiness will often help people justify their growing desire to be near you, resulting in better sales. Be sure to always invest part of that new money into outfits of high-ticket items and haircuts from fashionable boutiques that lend to oneself an air of aloof sexiness; consider also one or two piercings or high-quality tattoos.
b. When selling oneself on street corners, whether physical or digital (see below), an air of superiority and disinterest will help convince potential “Johns” that you’re not really a hustler; rather, you are a cute kid with time to kill. By looking unapproachable, you are actually making yourself magnetic. Dye your hair dark culors, shadow your eyes, and flaunt the occasional bruises on your exposed forearms.
c. When selling yourself through an escort service or other more “legitimate” business, dress agreeably, in contrast to above. Keep your attire fashionable, but not confrontationally edgy. Likewise, style your hair, and keep it in position; it is expected of you to check mirrors often. Practice a smile that wears well in public — that reveals nothing at all but seems like it does.
2. In his new life, the Young Spender can behave sexually in ways he would never have tried before.
a. When selling narcotics, if you begin to accept sex as payment, know that this will eventually become expected of you. While man cannot survive on oral sex alone (see point 3, previous), he can still avail himself of the way his profession makes him appear in the eyes of his clients. No longer must he be bound to the meek, receiving rule he has always taken. Even the most “butch” of weight-lifters or bodybuilders or athletes will debase themselves completely, in any way for the Young Spender, simply as thanks for selling them a gram, a vial, a bump. Experiment wantonly with even the most fleeting of fantasies. Never hesitate.
b. When selling oneself on the streets, especially to homosexual men, the portrayal of yourself as disinterested (and, if you can pass for it, heterosexual) will vastly increase the amount a person will be willing to pay for time with you. During the act of sex, be aggressive, lose yourself, and leave them wanting more (a desire you should never satiate). Never hesitate.
c. When selling oneself through a professional service, one is typically expected to act more interested in a client, but, otherwise, the above rules still apply. Never hesitate.
3. Finally, as you adjust your sexual demeanor, notice the ways in which it affects your demeanor as a whole. See how your new-found willingness to show blatant disgust in the proclivities of others will extend even to those still in their clothes, notice how much easier it is to spot those people who would tell you they want to be thrown around, walked on, hit in the face.
b. While balancing your new obligations and necessary compromises, do not forget about you personal safety.
i. Carry with you always, Young Spender, a small can of mace. It can be purchased in all major self-defense stores, can be small enough to conceal in a pocket or Prada handbag (see above) or clipped to a keyring.
ii. Avoid the man with the eyes the wrong shade of green, Young Spender. You know the one.
iii. In the modern day, pimps are unnecessary, and have become even dangerous. With services like Rentboy.com, Craigslist, GayRomeo, along with the publicity brought by bargain-hunting websites such as Groupon, you no longer need someone to set up meetings for you and take you places and warn off shady characters. He can’t protect you when you’re in the trucker’s cab, Young Spender.
c. Forget everything you used to take pleasure in, Young Spender. Nothing will ever be the same.
i. Is this really the life you want?
ii. Why did the letters stop?
iii. Who is the girl you mentioned?
iv. I haven’t heard from you in so long.
v. Young Spender:
1. I miss you
2. I miss you
3. I miss you
4. I miss you
5. I miss you

Previously: “Five Points of Advice to Young People on the Spending and Earning of Money, Part Three: Credit”

John Fram is a freelance writer whose public records show him living in Texas. He has a dog and a guy that lives with him. He tweets here, and you can contact him here.

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