Buy Everyone the Same Gift

When I was a kid, my mother treated gift giving like a yearly final exam where she demonstrated knowledge about the people she loved. She has a knack for remembering specific things about people—they like golf, they collect antiques—and finding a supremely thoughtful gift within those guidelines. This can and does backfire if someone gradually loses interest in whatever she remembered they liked—my tween obsession with dolphins meant being honored with dolphin related gifts until my mid-twenties—but overall, I learned the importance of personalized gift giving from her.

As an adult, I stuck with my mother’s approach for a long time, and it was mentally and financially exhausting. My husband’s family sends well-curated wish lists, while the adult and kid members of my much larger family heave a collective shrug over preferred gifts, leaving me to try and figure out what might work for them. Because we don’t always spend Christmas with one group or the other, a white elephant is out of the running; and when packages from relatives start showing up at my house, I want to make sure I reciprocate.

Cut to me in August a few years ago, at our county fair. The county fair has vendors selling everything from full-size walk-in safes to chocolate-covered bacon. My husband and I drifted apart to look at different things, and when he found me he had an astonished expression. “I’ve just seen the greatest thing,” he said.

I followed him to a booth where a guy with a headset was demonstrating the use of a ceramic garlic grater to an awed crowd. The salesmanship was impressive, but also the item itself: it’s a small, handpainted ceramic plate a little bigger than the palm of your hand, it has small dull grates in the center, and you basically rub whatever you’ve got on it to get it down to what is basically a puree. It’s not sharp enough to cut your fingers and it looks better than most kitchen gadgets. It was August, but I immediately thought about Christmas.

“Everyone is getting one of these from us this year,” I told my husband. “Everyone.”

The graters were 6 for $100, and came with a little garlic peeler (basically a silicone tube to get the skin off with) and a little brush to get the puree off the plate. They also gave me a garlic and olive oil dispenser I didn’t need, but it too made a nice gift.

I felt beyond ambitious putting six garlic grater plates in a bag in my closet, and when December rolled around, I felt like a goddamn genius. I had also won a charity auction of a crate of Sriracha, and yes, the majority of close relatives received a garlic grater and Sriracha. Merry Christmas, everybody!

Should you give everyone the same thing this year? Here’s a few things to think about:

• The gift must be something everyone can use. Don’t give everybody sleeping bags. Ceramic plates are by far not the only kitchen gadget that lend themselves to mass gifting. Food works too: I’ve given things like fancy salts, local honey, local jam.
• You can give the same gift to multiple kids. This is especially effective for nieces and nephews or young cousins. (Your own kids might be hurt by one size fits all.) Keep it simple. Try a book.
• Giving everyone the same book turns the holidays into a book club. Non-fiction pop-sociology books by people like Malcolm Gladwell or Mary Roach are great for adults. Even if everyone hates Outliers, it gives you something to talk about.
• Understand the gift might not be for everyone. I don’t think my in-laws eat Sriracha. But now they have some! For guests! You live and you learn.
• Giving everyone the same thing works much better if you’re not opening presents in a big group, but if you are opening gifts with everyone, you may want to explain the reasoning behind giving everyone chocolate-covered bacon.
• If your goal is to save money, find a gift that comes with a bulk discount.

I’m still considering what I might give everyone this year—but last year, my mother gave all her children and possibly many of her friends nonstick omelette pans. Knowing I converted my mother, queen of individual gifts, to the dark side is its own gift.

D.M. Moehrle is a law librarian and essayist who lives in Ventura, California.

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