If This “Avocado Latte” Becomes a Thing, We Will Never, Ever Own Homes

Avocados + lattes = RENTING FOREVER

Photo via Instagram

Imagine an avocado with most of the flesh scooped out. Imagine your morning latte, sitting next to your avocado toast. Now imagine the two together — your latte, pouring into the hollowed shell of the avocado. Imagine all the money you’re losing. Imagine the houses you won’t and can’t buy, because you’ve wasted your money on pouring hot coffee into compost.

Avocado Lattes Are the Final Nail in the Coffin of Human Dignity

The avocados are killing our ability to own homes because avocado toast is expensive and is nothing more than a drain for discretionary income. Lattes have been killing our ability to own homes for years: the money you spend on a latte could be put towards a down payment. Therefore this avocado latte is the silver bullet that kills home ownership dead in the water, once and for all. Buy an avocado latte and kiss your dreams of owning property goodbye. The house of your dreams is a pie in the sky fantasy that you will never achieve.

Avocado lattes are certainly not the future; they are probably the next five minutes, if we’re lucky.

Setting aside the simple facts that nothing about this looks appetizing — the first shot looks like melted peanut butter and imagining what steamed milk, avocado, and coffee tastes like together is vile — the real question about this “trend” is how much does it cost?

As per Munchies, an avocado latte — avolatte, if you want, but I don’t — costs the same price as a regular cup of coffee. The Truman Cafe in Melbourne, Australia sold four of them on Monday. I looked for an online menu for the cafe so I could figure out how much an actual cup of coffee there costs. Probably around, say, $3? An average small coffee at a coffeeshop is 8 ounces. This feels like a very specific math problem that I will never be able to solve, but I’m willing to bet that half of a hallowed-out avocado with most but not all of the flesh missing holds considerably less than eight ounces. Maybe….1 ounce?

So, if you order an avocado latte, you’re paying the same price for a small coffee, getting less the amount of coffee to drink, and have to consume the fad food product you’ve just purchased like slurping a particularly large oyster. The real point of this here is that an avocado latte is a bad deal — you’re literally wasting your money because you could be getting more coffee for the same price. But you’re not, because you’re drinking your latte out of an avocado.

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