There’s An Amazon Dash Button for Candy Now

Press the button, get some candy.

For the longest time, I never, ever understood the point of the Amazon Dash button. When they were first introduced, I was convinced that they were a hoax or some sort of April Fool’s joke — a winking nod towards our future’s inevitable automation, but not something people would actually use.

Like most things in life, I was wrong. They were real and people used them to order things like toilet paper and garbage bags, affixing the buttons to the spaces in their home where the aforementioned sundries would go, pressing the button when there was no toilet paper left and dragging a box full of toilet paper and garbage bags and spray cleaner up your stairs when it arrived, two days later. I began to see its utility.

Now there is one for candy.

Amazon introduces button that sends you mystery candy

It works the same way the Dash button you use for your shampoo or whatever, but instead of knowing what you’re getting ahead of time, the “fun” is in the surprise. Press the “candy” button and Amazon will take $18 and send you a mystery box of candy — artisanal candy, so you know, not a king -size Kit Kat and some Cracker Jacks like you really, actually want.

Prime Surprise Sweets Dash Button

The candy will be “delicious treats from small-batch artisans,” as per Amazon, which justifies the $18 price tag. If you want to have fancy candy in your home at all times, then this is the thing for you. However, I have a few questions.

1. I get that this is a surprise, but why can’t they make it work like BirchBox, where you can sort of pre-select the kinds of things you like and then have the algorithm pick out what you want? Like, what if it keeps sending you small-batch Gummi Bears when you really just want an artisanal Kit-Kat?
2. What does Amazon think $18 worth of fancy candy looks like? Is it like, two big chocolate bars and then a shortbread? Many tiny truffles? Is the entire box full of jellybeans?
3. What do you do if you don’t like the candy you get? Is there any way to tell them that you don’t want the chocolate-covered jalapeno poppers this time around, or are you simply at their mercy?
4. Honesty, who is this for?

Still, it’s alluring. Candy! Delicious. Would you use this? Is this something you’re into? Would you let Amazon pick your candy for you?

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