A Friday Chat About Email

What if email… could expire?

NICOLE: Happy Friday! I’m in an airport!

MEGAN: What fun! Happy Friday. Are you pumped to go on your cruise and also to escape the tyranny of the internet for seven full days?

NICOLE: Yes, I hope so! On our port days, I will no doubt be tempted to go into some store or restaurant that has Wi-Fi. Will I be able to resist? Or will I really want to know what emails I’ve received???

MEGAN: Oh my goodness, please resist. Email doesn’t expire, unless sometimes when it does, but usually it doesn’t. RESIST!

NICOLE: I’d love for someone to create an app with email that expires. Not so I’d feel more pressure to answer it, but so the person who sent it would know that I wasn’t interested in answering it. No more “just checking in to see if you got my request that you’re ignoring!” follow-ups.

MEGAN: HOLY SHIT. That is the best idea for an app I have heard in my entire life. Like, the email languishes in the inbox of the receiver, and then after a set amount of time, it spits out an automatic response? Like “Hello, your email has expired, so we will not be responding, thanks!” That sort of thing?

NICOLE: MEGAN YOU JUST TOOK THAT IDEA AND MADE IT BETTER. I wasn’t even thinking of an autoresponse, but I love it. “Hello, your email has expired, so we will not be responding, thanks!” That way the email stays in the inbox for CYA purposes (and so you can respond if you really want to) but also the message is sent and received.

MEGAN: Yes! So if it’s an email that you accidentally overlooked because you come home from vacation to like, 192839083 emails, you can see it and be like OH WAIT I WANT THAT $10,000 YOU’RE OFFERING ME. And then you respond. But! The app would show all the emails that it’s responded to by flagging them with a color or something. So you’d know.

NICOLE: No one has ever offered me $10,000 in an email. Maybe they have and it went straight to my spam folder so I’ll never know.

MEGAN: I mean, no one has ever offered me $10,000 in an email either, though I look for it every single day. Still, this idea has legs. We should be working on this RIGHT NOW. Think of how many people would use it!

NICOLE: I wish I had taken that programming class I almost took instead of dropping it so I could spend more time on theater. Would I know how to make this app if I had done that?

MEGAN: Mmmm…yes. You would. And had I followed through on my 14-year old desire to “learn about computers” after repeated viewings of Hackers, I’d have it made. But, in this alternative universe, you and I would’ve ended up at the Billfold anyway, but we’d have this computer knowledge. And this app that we’re coming up with right now would bankroll us towards Silicon Valley fame and fortune. In case you can’t tell, I’ve had an excessive amount of coffee.

NICOLE: As long as “Silicon Valley fame and fortune” doesn’t mean “living in a garage and pooping in a bucket,” I’m down.

When Six Figures Isn’t Enough to Live On

MEGAN: Madam, in my vision, we would never, ever, in a million years, poop in a bucket. I would never do that to you, or to me. WE’D HAVE TO CLEAN THE BUCKET IF WE WERE POOPING IN IT. That’s enough.

NICOLE: How clean, though, because with cats you just change the litter out. You don’t scrub the box every time. (I can’t believe I’m negotiating this.)

MEGAN: Touché. The cat internet says you should clean the box every week which is frankly, insane. As a seasoned cat owner, I’d say the bucket at most gets an emptying and a strident hosing. (I started this, I’m so sorry, I’m trying to remove it.)

NICOLE: I cleaned my toilet this morning because I’m that kind of person (who wants to come home to a very clean apartment), so I probably wouldn’t have a problem cleaning a bucket. I understand there might be a little more to clean. But NEW TOPIC. You sent me a bunch of sofas that I should buy and I haven’t looked at them yet!

What’s the Best Sofa Under $1,000?

MEGAN: Fabulous segue. I sure did! There are some good couches on that list, including the EKTORP from Ikea, which I have heard complaints about. A lot of those couches are very mid-century modern derivative, as is the trend, but I think if you want to get a new couch, it’s a good place to start. HOWEVER — buying a couch off the internet seems bad. Thoughts?

NICOLE: I like the one that looks like a giant pillow. Those are my thoughts. Also I bought my last couch off the internet (from Ikea) so I probably don’t have a problem with that?

MEGAN: I think the key with couches for me at least is to sit on them for a spell and see if they’re going to work. My apartment has cycled through so many bad couches. We only realized they were bad after we threw away the one good one because it was worn out, too low to the ground and scratched to shit via the cats. I think the lesson here, by the way, is to ban cats.

NICOLE: They are destructive and they poop everywhere. But they’re so cute!

MEGAN: My cat poops in the tub, ruins sofas but looks really, really good sitting on the bed in a patch of sun. She can stay, I guess.

NICOLE: It’s all about good lighting.

MEGAN: That’s what Instagram tells me! I know you have to get on a flight soon and I have to distract the dog I’m dog-sitting so that I can run out and get lunch, but tell me this: what are you most excited about for the cruise?

NICOLE: I bought a dress with cupcakes on it. JUST KIDDING it’s friends and hanging out and getting to see people! But the cupcake dress, yes, and also no internet. Very excited for that.

MEGAN: The cupcake dress sounds fantastic, but seeing humans and NO FREAKING INTERNET — what a dream. Have SO MUCH FUN and we will miss you dearly. I’ll try not to burn the house down.

NICOLE: See y’all in a week!

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