Good Luck to All Who Apply to be Rob Lowe’s Personal Assistant

What the hell is this?

Here’s an alleged job listing to be Rob Lowe’s personal assistant, via the gossipmongers at TMZ. It’s a real doozy.

Rob Lowe Is Looking for An Assistant Who Can Lift 25 lbs and Assumes Nothing!!!

The job of a personal assistant is fascinating to me. I understand that the nature of contemporary celebrity requires an additional person to wrangle laundry, schedule massages, sign for packages and call Oprah when needed, but what I’ve always wondered is at what level of fame do you realize that you need an assistant? What milestones do you reach in your personal fame that make you realize that yes, you need someone to address any of the following asks that Rob Lowe apparently requires?

– Never assume anything

— Ensure the CLIENT [Rob] is fed and has coffee throughout the day

— Schedule haircuts every episode for the CLIENT

— Ensure that the CLIENT HAS A DINNER PLAN IF ARRIVING HOME LATER THAN 8 PM in the evening

— Make sure you let Estate staff know if the CLIENT wants a Jacuzzi turned on or a massage ordered for his arrival

— Willing to travel on location as requested and serve as the CLIENT’S body man

— Able to lift up to 25 pounds as required to support THE CLIENT

While this raises many questions and both of my eyebrows, this alleged job posting seems to go well beyond what I understand of the personal assistant role. But! It illuminated a lot of things about Rob Lowe that I didn’t know, namely the fact that he is incapable of feeding himself in a timely fashion, and that he abides by the golden rule: Assuming makes an ass out of “u” and me.

A good friend of mine was the personal assistant for a well-known director until his death a few years ago. One year, around Christmastime, she ordered pannettones in bulk for presents and made sure they were sent to the right people at the right time. Her husband once told me that her phone had so many famous people in her contact list that if their toddler grabbed it by accident, she’d run the risk of accidentally calling Oprah’s people. Nothing that she ever told us about her boss or the work that she did sounded anything like this.

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