25 Thoughts I Had After Spending 25 Dollars on Lip Gloss

1. What the fuck did I just do?
2. No, it’s okay. This is my money. $25 won’t send me back or forward too dramatically. I have to chill out.
3. Seriously, Ellie? $25 on one tube of lip gloss? Are you an idiot?
4. I could buy like 4.5 chai lattes with soymilk for the same amount of money. With soymilk!
5. Spending hard earned money on makeup isn’t what the feminist pioneers had in mind, methinks.
6. Then again it’s something that I bought with my own hard earned money that I wanted for myself so that is feminist! Ha! Take that, Susan B. Anthony!
7. I have to intercept this package before my parents see it and give me hell for it.
8. It’s my money! I worked for this. I can buy whatever I want. At least it’s not meth.
9. It’s not like I’m being careless with my money. I’ve made sure there’s money for gas, food, and loan payments. So what if I buy one gloss?
10. I mean I could get a similar quality gloss for $5 at CVS but that’s not what this is about.
11. I am a young woman with no dependents and my own job. I bought one luxury gloss. So what? I’m a good person!
12. I can’t believe I did this. Fuck.
13. I wonder if Snapchat has brainwashed me.
14. But I deserve this.
15. Careful, now. Equating hard work with deserving material things is how people go bankrupt after buying seven Lamborghinis.
16. Ellie, it’s a GLOSS. Take that stick out of your butt!
17. It’s a $25 stick so it’s wedged in there.
18. Okay, let’s prioritize. Will I care about this purchase in five minutes? Yes. Five days? Yes. Five months? Yes.
19. Who am I?
20. Why am I here?
21. What is our purpose?
22. Is there a God?
23. It’s going to look so cute on me.
24. I’m a fucking idiot.
25. Dammit, Kylie Jenner. Dammit to hell.

Support The Billfold

The Billfold continues to exist thanks to support from our readers. Help us continue to do our work by making a monthly pledge on Patreon or a one-time-only contribution through PayPal.