You’ll Need “More Than Money” To Stay At The New Waldorf-Astoria

The storied NYC hotel will be born again as condos

Over coffee recently, a friend of mine recounted the story of his as-yet-unsold TV pilot set in a hotel. “It’s never been done,” he said. I agreed that it made great sense as an idea: you’d have some fixed characters and plenty of others who come and go, and there’s lots of potential for world-building in both comic and tragic ways. Viz., The Grand Budapest Hotel, right?

There’s also the potential for pathos built in to the setting itself, too, at least when the hotel in question is an old and established one. That’s partly because, in an age of Couchsurfing and AirBnB, old, established hotels themselves feel like time capsules, or perhaps time machines. As a showrunner, you wouldn’t have to work hard to raise the stakes; their very existence comes under threat these days, so the stakes for lots of hotels must be naturally high. Even ones with great name recognition, like the Waldorf-Astoria in New York. Which, as the WSJ reports, is going to be killed and resurrected as a block of condos. Because if there’s anything NYC needs, it’s more fucking condos.

Classic Waldorf Hotel to Be Gutted, Up to 1,100 Rooms Turned Into Condos

Here’s some background on the famous art deco hotel:

• Yes, the Waldorf Salad did originate within its walls, but that doesn’t mean it was high class. The original version was doused in mayonnaise. Bon appetit.
• No, Eloise isn’t getting evicted. She lives at the Plaza. If you like, you can stay in her suite for just over $2,000 a night. It comes with a tote bag!

• Some rooms within the hotel — located in the appropriately named “Tower” — have been transformed into high-end condos already. In case you were curious, the Venn diagram illustrating the people living in that Tower and those who probably deserve to be in the historical Tower of London is a circle.
• Speaking of which, the chairman of the Chinese company Anbang that recently bought the hotel for about $2 billion seems like a real prince.

Anbang Chairman Xiaohui Wu previously hinted at his company’s vision for the Waldorf Astoria early last year when speaking before an audience at Harvard University. He said he planned to convert hotel rooms to condos and suggested that there would be an element of exclusivity.

“A potential buyer needs more than money to qualify for our apartments,” he boasted to the Ivy League crowd. …

When speaking at Harvard last year, Mr. Wu floated a Waldorf perk for those who wanted to join his company. “If you become an employee of Anbang, you will be entitled to a free dinner and a free room night when you get married,” he said.

What could he mean by “more than money?” Mob connections? A collection of baby seal skins? LeBron’s autograph?

• Every US President since Hoover has stayed at the Waldorf-Astoria, although according to the WSJ Obama recently snubbed it. Ouch. Well, Obama’s opinion is good enough for me. Forget converting it to apartments which only 1%ers with money and some magical, unspecified je ne sais quoi will be able to afford. Burn it to the ground.

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