Non-Traditional Ways to Monetize Your Tony Awards Party

Because betting on who’s going to win isn’t going to work this year.

Bet on who can sing Lafayette’s “Guns and Ships” lyric the fastest. Once that’s out of the way, bet that you’re the only person who can sing an entire song from any other Best Musical nominee. (Tell the person who immediately launches into “If I Were a Rich Man” that if you’d meant Best Revival you would have said it.)

Drink every time someone says “Lin-Manuel Miranda.” Then tell your friends that they really ought to chip in for the wine.

Announce that your party is Ham4Ham themed, and that everyone needs to give you $10 before they can enjoy any pepperoni, sausage, or Hawaiian pizza. Unlike the real Ham4Ham, you accept Venmo. (If somebody asks whether you’re going to perform for them, tell them you already sang “If Only You Would Listen” from School of Rock when you won that bet earlier, and wow, that song turned out to be pretty thematically appropriate.)

Turn off the broadcast right before the Hamilton performance, and say that you need $100 before you’ll turn it back on. (Again, you accept Venmo.)

Offer to auction off the Hamilton ticket that you bought, like, as soon as the cast album dropped last September, can’t your friends understand that you love this musical more than they ever could and you loved it first? After the first bid, tell everyone that it’s actually a Dollar Auction. After the second bid, explain what a Dollar Auction is. (Don’t worry, you’ll get enough money to buy yourself an even better Hamilton ticket, even at today’s prices.)

Tax your guests on tea. If they reach for their wineglass instead, remind them that we’re only drinking wine when they say “Lin-Manuel Miranda,” don’t you understand the rules of this fun party game?

Since you’re already being a complete jerk to your friends, just steal their wallets.

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