I Now Own “Extreme Survival Kit Two”

At the beginning of the week, I wrote “How Much Would You Spend to Prepare for the Potentially Inevitable?” i.e. the Cascadian earthquake as outlined in The New Yorker’s The Really Big One.

I asked this question:

What would you do? Would you buy the Disaster Bucket and five gallons of water and a water purifier and all of the clothing and supplies you might need?

I read all of your responses, which ranged from “we have a pretty comprehensive ‘emergency kit’ at home, mostly for earthquake preparedness,” to “I think that most items on this list are absurd.”

But the majority of you trended towards “yes, you should buy some sort of earthquake kit,” which meant that I was now responsible for actually buying an earthquake kit.

That’s how it works, when you’re a person who writes about her life on the internet. You have to follow through.

Which means I am now the proud owner of Extreme Survival Kit Two. (I hope we’re all hearing “exTREEEEME!!!!!!” in our heads right now.)

Extreme Survival Kit Two cost $129.99 (plus $16 shipping) and contains:

(1) Large Heavy Duty Water Resistant Backpack

(20) Datrex Emergency Water Packs (4.2oz each)

(2) 2400 Calorie Datrex Emergency Food Packs (twelve food bars per pack)

(1) 16oz Ultralight Nalgene Bottle

(1) 50ct Bottle Potable Aqua Tabs — Treats 6 plus gallons of questionable water

(2) BRW Emergency Sleeping Bags (waterproof, windproof, and lightweight)

(2) BRW Emergency Ponchos

(2) 24 Hour Body Warmers

(1) BRW Tube Tent

(3) Snaplight 12 Hour Light Sticks

(25) Feet of 550lb Grade Paracord

(1) Signal Mirror

(1) Button Compass

(1) Magnesium Fire Starter

(1) Ring Wire Saw

(1) Emergency Whistle

(1) Mora Pro S Survival Knife (Carbon Steel that holds a very sharp edge)

(1) Bic Lighter

(1) 7 LED Mini Flashlight

(1) Deck Playing Cards

(2) N95 Dust Masks

(1) Pair Heavy Work Gloves

(1) 12X15 Refuse / Storage Bag

(1) Adventure Medical 1.0 First Aid Kit

(1) Zippmo Sanitary Kit.

(That list was originally written in paragraph form, but I edited it into list form for ease of reading.)

I chose Extreme Survival Kit Two after looking at a number of survival backpacks on Amazon and filtering out everything where the reviewers said “this is just a bag full of cheap junk.”

(I love you, Amazon, but you sell a lot of cheap junk.)

I also chose Extreme Survival Kit Two because it is manufactured by local survival gear company Zippmo, and I figure if anyone’s going to know what to put in a Cascadian survival kit, it’s going to be someone who actually lives around here.

It’s worth noting that this backpack is not called “Extreme Survival Kit Two” because it is the sequel to “Extreme Survival Kit One.” It means that the kit includes enough supplies, including food/water, to support two adults for three days.

Zippmo does not sell an Extreme Survival Kit One. I did not conduct an exhaustive search of my options, but everything I saw assumed that you’d be surviving in the company of a life partner, or at least whomever you happened to be dating at the time. (There are also kits for families.)

There was no kit titled “All the Single Ladies, Put Your Hand Warmers Up,” and if you are an entrepreneur, let me assure you that this is a market opportunity.

Of course, I did immediately think “well, now I’ll have something to barter with.” So, after the Cascadian earthquake, come find me. I’ll have an extra sleeping bag—but you better have something worth the trade.

(JUST KIDDING, you know I’ll give it to you, I am a kind-hearted soul.)

It feels very strange to be the owner of a survival bag, much less an “exTREEEEME!!!!!!” one. It means I have to think of myself actually using it, which means I have to imagine myself wandering the crumbling streets of Seattle while gnawing on a food bar. It is an image that does not fit into anything I’ve ever known or experienced, and so my brain automatically responds with “this is ridiculous, your survival bag is ridiculous, why did you even buy this thing.”

But hey—at least I’m prepared for the thing that will both inevitably, and probably not, happen.

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