Rambling Man: Help! Can I Turn Down A Job To Pursue My Passion?

Rambling Man: Help! Can I Turn Down A Great Job To Pursue My Passion?

Dear Rambling Man:

I am in a conundrum and in addition to the anxiety of figuring out how to proceed, I also feel guilt because it is a very lucky conundrum. Three months ago I left my job of 10 years. I had been making a decent salary, but I was very burnt out, working around the clock and there was no room for advancement. I’m 36 and I have worked since I was 14 years old, sometimes several jobs at once, and I put myself through college with no family support. I never imagined that I would leave a job without another job lined up, but my extremely supportive partner has a stable job that is just enough to pay our bills and we have about eight months of living expenses in savings, plus a modest 401k. So I left.

I spent a few weeks doing nothing but sleeping in, reading and running errands that had been long neglected. I have always had a dream of somehow making a living through writing, although I never took any steps to make that dream a reality. I’ve taken a few classes and wrote in my very limited down time, but I’ve never submitted anything for publication. Most of my work experience was in retail management. Miraculously, a friend of a friend decided to take a chance on me and give me a few freelance copywriting jobs at his marketing company. They were very pleased with my work and they have been consistently giving me small jobs.

Although my dream is to pursue more creative writing, I find copywriting to be as fulfilling as any paid gig I’ve had and I seem to be good at it. Now two months later, they have offered me a full time position as an account manager at their firm. This is an amazing chance for me to gain skills in a field that has lots of potential for growth, and at a company that is independently owned and fosters a positive environment and supportive work culture. And they want me! Even though I have such limited experience in their field. I was ecstatic to be given such a great opportunity.

Then the reality set in that I would be thrown back into a hectic full time schedule. Although I could try to keep writing on the side, I know that creative pursuits usually fall to the wayside once you’re entrenched in a demanding full time job. I’m toying with the idea of turning down this stable full time position to keep my new flexible schedule which brings in very little money but also affords me time to write.

I feel like a brat for even considering turning down this offer. Who do I think I am? I’m not rich and I should be working where ever I can! My partner is fully supportive of whatever choice I make, but I worry how quickly our savings could disappear if something unexpected happens (layoff, family emergency, medical issue, rent increase). The new job would pay about as much as my previous job, so if I take it then my partner and I could resume building our savings, which we could someday use to buy our first home. If I do turn it down, I’ll be kicking myself a year from now if writing doesn’t pan out. But if I take it, I worry that I’ll never again get the chance to focus on my passion. What should I do!?

Very lucky, but very confused

()()()

Dear Lucky But Confused,

After many years of doing the right and responsible thing, you want to do something creative and fulfilling instead. That is eminently reasonable. If your partner doesn’t object, why should I? Why should anyone? You may, in fact, stop reading right here. The answer to your question can simply be that no, you are not a brat. You have — literally — earned yourself a brief reprieve. You can afford to write for a while, so write for a while.

Try reading and really thinking about this terrific interview with BuzzFeed’s Ashley C. Ford. If what’s true for her (“The best of myself is in my writing, and I want to tell good stories that punch people in the gut”) is true for you, too, then respect that truth. Segue from hamster wheel to quill pen, and damn the doubters.

As Ford puts it:

The hardest thing to get over when you’re trying to live a dream is the possibility that you might fail and that it might not be for you. But the truth is, that’s not the worst thing in the world. If you fail or find out that you don’t like something, then you just got closer to finding out what you’re truly meant for. You have to go for it.

If that answer doesn’t fully satisfy you, though, read on.

When debating between two appealing courses of action, I ask myself, “What’s the worst that could happen?” Say you don’t know whether or not you want to parent. If you sally forth and get pregnant, the worst outcome is that you have a child that you resent and don’t treat well, and both of you suffer. If you don’t procreate, the worst outcome is that you change your mind later and regret it. Even then, though, you can deal with your wistfulness by getting involved in the lives of other kids: you can volunteer, teach, coach, foster parent, etc.

Worst Outcome A is far worse than Worst Outcome B.

In this case, you have discovered you are talented at a specific kind of marketable writing. The idea of continuing to focus on non-marketable writing full-time remains alluring enough that you are tempted to turn down a lucrative job, one in which you will be paid to do that thing you are good at and enjoy.

How do the potential Worst Outcomes compare? Well, if you take the job, the worst thing that can happen is that you get burnt out all over again; you earn money but the dollars do nothing to fill the ashy grate in your heart where a joyous, leaping fire should be.

If you don’t take the job, the worst outcome is that you discover, as so many full-time writers have before you, that being freelance is stressful, competitive, precarious, and exhausting. On top of all of that, it’s also low-paid. For every Meaghan — who rises from the freelance sea like Venus onto her clam shell, with nymphs adoring her from all sides and a book deal — there are thousands of Not Meaghans, tormented souls who become increasingly desperate to re-enter the stable, even comparatively soothing, working world.

Which Worst Outcome would you rather face: A, that you take the job and don’t like it, or B, that you turn down the job and then want another but can’t get it?

My personal belief is that, if people truly-madly-deeply need to write, they will write, regardless of whether they have jobs. That was the case for novelists from Dickens to Dostoyevsky. People prioritize what’s important to them. In fact, most of the time you can figure out what people value by looking at what they make time for. Economists call this “revealed preference.” I call it life.

Will you still make time for creative writing, even if you take this advertising job? Maybe! There’s only one way to find out (and get a cushy salary and basket full of benefits at the same time). If it turns out you’re mistaken, and traditional employment isn’t worth the time it takes away from your artistic endeavors, you can quit. Then you can try writing full-time, secure in a more complete knowledge of yourself. As a bonus, you will have added at least a bit more stuffing to your financial cushion.

The growlingly insatiable “Feed me, Seymour, feed me!”-type venus flytrap that is the Internet / publishing world will, god knows, still be there tomorrow. An enticing sounding job offer might not be.

Best of luck, and let us know what happens,

Ester (standing in for Rambling Man)

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