Chatting About “[Financial] Health At Every Size”

Ester: Hello!

Nicole: Hi!

Ester: How’s being back in Seattle after vacation? Have you adjusted your spending habits any, post-vacation, or are you just back to normal?

Nicole: Well, I mean, I didn’t go see Fifty Shades of Grey or The Last Five Years, so that’s a start. But I did end up at a bar with a friend where it was cash only and the ATM was oh-so-conveniently placed next to the bar, so… you know, you try to cut back and everything erases itself.

Sometimes I feel like both weight and spending have a “set point.”

Ester: Ooh, intriguing! Please say more.

Nicole: Well, the “set point” thing is how our bodies naturally gravitate towards specific weight ranges, and some people are naturally fatter or thinner than others. And then if you go outside of that range, over time you find your way back to it. That’s a really rough explanation of that. But it’s kind of the same with spending; there’s a point at which I will be all “NOPE TOO MUCH MONEY,” and so I’ll find my way back to a spending equilibrium, and if I am spending too little money, I’ll … well, you know, I feel like I spend around the same amount of money every month, no matter what happens.

I don’t ever end a month with, like, an extra $800 that I just didn’t spend.

Ester: I like it as an analogy. There’s a genetic component to the weight-as-set-point theory, as I understand it, too. (You’re going to have a set point for your weight based in some ways upon your heritage and so on.) I wonder if the same can be true for your spending habits. Not in the exact same biological way, of course, but in the way that we learn and absorb so much from our families and social circles growing up.

Nicole: So many of the people I talk to for Doing Money interviews say their financial habits were shaped during childhood. I feel like mine were, too. I was definitely a spender, but I never had a large amount of money to spend, so I developed frugal tastes. Were your financial habits formed as a kid?

Ester: Yes, but not from my parents, more as a reaction to them, I think. They were generous and liked to shop, my mom especially. But I was very anxious about money even as a child, instinctively; I squirreled it away, to the degree that — and I think I’ve told this story before — I became the family bank. People realized I had cash on hand and so would come to me to “borrow” money, which most often I wouldn’t get back, and my reserves would be depleted. But eventually I’d get more as a present, or I’d find a plain envelope with five twenties in it in the back of my dresser (which really happened once!) and I’d try to build the reserves up again.

I pretty much operate the same way now: I feel guilty when I spend and I try to save as much as possible. And I still feel most comfortable having cash on hand, though I also acknowledge the truth of what our friend the banker says about savings accounts.

And you?

Nicole: Oh, I totally get that the savings account is a bet against yourself — that you’re going to need the money soon enough that you’ll lose money by taking it out of an index fund when you need it.

I guess I’ve always figured out how much I can spend and then spent it, ever since I was a kid and counted the weeks until I’d have enough for a Broadway album at Sam Goody.

I’ve also been hustling for work since I was a teenager, so that has worked out in my favor. At least there’s always money coming in!

Ester: I am so not surprised by this. Did you have a paper route?

Nicole: Nope. Since my parents are both musicians, I was a piano teacher and church organist and choral accompanist and the person who played jazz arrangements of “Misty” at art openings. I’ve been a freelancer since ever, lol.

So wait — does this mean we both already know how we’re going to manage our money, for the rest of our lives? Is this it? Are we staring at our financial futures?

Ester: Well, are our finances as deeply ingrained in us as the shapes of our bodies? Maybe we should embrace a money version of Health At Every Size. Financial Health At Every Size. It is true that not everyone can or is supposed to or should even try to be the equivalent of a Size 2 or whatever. You can still be a financially sound and successful and fulfilled human being no matter your level of debt or how many assets you’ve amassed.

Nicole: If any publishers would like to contact The Billfold about our new book, Financial Health At Every Size … seriously, Ester, I think that is a great concept and we should talk more about it in future Billfold posts. Maybe it is, at its core, what The Billfold is all about.

Ester: Highly personal finance that is also about helping people realize they don’t need to be debt-free, or all set for retirement, or whatever, in order to be financially healthy. I am in favor of that. Of course, we should probably make sure Mike’s on board before we write the manifesto. 🙂

Support The Billfold

The Billfold continues to exist thanks to support from our readers. Help us continue to do our work by making a monthly pledge on Patreon or a one-time-only contribution through PayPal.