Shopping, Travel-Wise: Are You An Ester Or A Nicole?

Ester: Nicole, I’m goggling at your clothing spreadsheet as we speak. How long have you been doing this? Charting your clothes and accessories? Is it only for when you travel?

Nicole: I’ve been making outfit grids since high school. The early ones were just pen-and-paper. And yes, they’re only for travel. I like to know what to pack, so I always know I have enough clothing (and accessories) for everything. I mean, how do you decide what to pack when you travel?

Ester: That is very smart of you, and also very anal. I stand in front of my closet for a few minutes, decide I hate everything, count out however many pairs of underwear I need (plus an extra, in case I end up away from home for one more day than I’m supposed to), and then throw a bunch of tops, bottoms, and dresses in and hope for the best. Usually I can be relied upon to remember pajamas and socks. Not always. Did a precipitating event of some sort inspire you to behave this way? Some traveling tragedy?

Nicole: I have a lot of hilarious travel stories, but none of them involve not having the right outfit. No, this started when my folks were taking my sister and me on one of those long family vacations, and I was old enough to care about what I wore every day and also old enough to pack my own clothes. So I started taking notes on what I wanted to wear every day of the trip, based on where we were going.

And then from there, like all of my organizational systems, it expanded into color-coded spreadsheets. (I hope you noticed the spreadsheet was color-coded.)

Ester: Oh, I did. I also noticed particular items: “Black sack dress,” which sounds like a sartorial punishment of some kind; and “fez,” which sounds, in an equal and opposite way, awesome. Also you have two differently colored owl necklaces?

Nicole: The sack dress is a legitimate fashion term! It’s a loose-fitting dress, perfect for airport travel. And I have four differently-colored owl necklaces and earrings. Five if you count the rhinestone owl earrings that don’t have a matching necklace.

Ester: Is the owl your spirit animal? Under “hypnosis” (summer camp tween girl-style hypnosis) I declared mine to be the wolf. Are wolves sarcastic?

Nicole: I named my apartment “The Owlery” when I moved in. The rest of the owl stuff just happened. By which I mean, I bought it or it was given to me. And the most common adjective I associate with “wolf” is “lone.” Or “stronger than Liam Neeson.”

Ester: They are pack animals, though! Social mammals. And I’m a quasi-vegetarian socialist who went to Quaker college …. Hm. ANYWAY. So you seem to have a very precise sense of what’s happening in your closet. How strictly do you adhere to your spreadsheet schedule, though? What if you’re not in an owl mood on the day you’re supposed to wear the owl necklace?

Nicole: I mean, I’ll adhere fairly strictly to it unless something unexpected happens. Last year on the cruise I got an accidental terrible sunburn and so I was swapping out all of my sleeveless dresses for long-sleeved ones until it looked less awful. And I will always feel in the mood for those necklaces, they are gorgeous statement pieces. The orange owl one is antique Lucite!

The most important thing is that I have a unique outfit for every day. The rest we can figure out as we go.

Ester: I’m impressed enough by the fact that you have outfits. I have … clothes. Some of which have holes. For Billfold Live, of course, I will find something where the holes are either diminimous or nonexistent. I might even wear jewelry! Maybe even makeup?

Nicole: Oh dear, the dress I’m bringing has sparkles on it, do I need to re-plan my entire grid? And yes, I know all about the holes thing, I spent an evening earlier this month throwing out anything I had with a hole in it. (Except for my black pumps which I need to replace before I leave.)

Ester: Ahhhhh that takes so much willpower. My shirt right now has at least one hole! But the holes are covered by my sweater, which does not have any holes, because it’s a high-quality pretty thing someone gave to me. I have black pumps you can try, btw! I never wear them.

Nicole: Well, right now my outfit grid says I’m wearing three-inch heels just because I am too embarrassed to appear in front of Billfold readers in holey shoes! So clearly this is something I need to solve before next Wednesday. This means more shopping, because the only thing I need in my life right before I go on travel for two weeks is to SPEND MORE MONEY. Do you feel the urge to buy a bunch of new stuff before you go somewhere new?

Ester: That is a good question. I think that urge is pretty universal, yes; and it’s hard, too, because when you get someplace new, another urge kicks in to buy new stuff while you’re there. I still treasure the items I got overseas, or just while traveling, in part because when anyone compliments it, I can say, “Thanks! It’s from Barcelona/Antigua/Vilnius,” in an attempt to raise my IRL Koolness Klout score.

Nicole: And I suspect you also want to buy new stuff for Babygirl pre- and mid-travel, right? Is she old enough to care about what she wears? I feel like kids are always old enough to care about what they wear.

Ester: Ah, when it comes to her, I actually have Willpower of Steel! We buy her very few things and almost nothing new. I still haven’t even been into any of those crazy stores like Babies backwards-R Us, which I think is good for my sanity. We really didn’t want to fall prey to the Baby Industrial Complex and so far I think we’ve resisted pretty well. Though as she gets older and has more opinions, who knows? Perhaps she will insist on an owl motif.

Nicole: I told my mom when I was two years old that I would only wear dresses, and I stuck to it… for years.

Ester: I am not surprised by that. I had to beg my mom to let me wear dresses, because I was so often mistaken for a boy (she kept me in short hair and Osh Kosh). The compromise was once a week, on Fridays. Today is Friday! I’m wearing … corduroys.

Nicole: I am wearing a Miami University sweatshirt! But I’ll change later today. I’ve already planned that I’ll wear jeans, my black waffle shirt, and the abacus necklace. By which I mean “I just planned it right now.”

Ester: Oh, to have a plan. And an abacus necklace.

Nicole: It’s a statement piece!

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