This Woman Does Not Want to Pay For You To Swim With Dolphins

Where do we stand on honeyfunds? In a post from 2012 — which is CLASSIC vintage Billfold for the ages, by the way — Mike Dang declares his support:

As a wedding gift, I had contributed to the couple’s “Honey Fund,” which allowed you to contribute money to the couple’s honeymoon in lieu of gifts. Since we tend to value experiences more than things, I loved the idea that you could buy a romantic dinner for one night of the honeymoon, or a few hours of swimming with dolphins.

Counterpoint: On Swimmingly, Rachel Sugar has a hilarious rant about “honeyfunds”, wherein wedding guests donate to the couples’ honeymoon fund as a wedding gift.

My primary issue is this: when I give you a present, I want you to have it forever. Not only do I want you to have it forever, I want you to think of me every time you look at it for the rest of your life. I want to be associated with that fancy German bread knife for the next 50 years. “Oh, her!” you’ll think, every time you cut goddamn bread from now until your eventual death. “She was great! She gave us this fine bread knife, and what a fantastic and thoughtful present that was!”

You know what you will not remember me for for the next 50 years? That I paid for one half of your romantic dolphin swim. I paid for one of you to swim with some rando dolphin, and you are never going to think of me again. “Who co-sponsored one half of our romantic dolphin swim?” is a thought you will have approximately never in the history of your life. Don’t lump me into some pool of people who collectively made tiny contributions to your larger love-cause. What are you, MoveOn.org? I want to give you a tangible, individual gift, because this is America, and then I want you to have to find space in your house for that gift until you end up in a nursing home and for you to pass it on to your children and tell them it was a very thoughtful and creative wedding present from me. You know what you can’t pass on to your children and tell them was a thoughtful and creative wedding present from me? One half of a stupid dolphin swim.

Follow-up question: What is it about getting married that makes people want to go out and swim with dolphins?

Photo: wwarby

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