Jeggings Are Ruining Everything

Since American money was consolidated into a single system of currency in the late 1800s, U.S. dollars have been printed on a unique cotton blend paper. That paper has been supplied by a single company, Crane, for more than a century. And Crane relied on scraps of denim sold in bulk by the garment industry for its cotton.

The company bleached and processed the unwanted fabric, then rewove the fibers into the George Washingtons and Benjamins that graced our wallets. About 30 percent of Crane’s cotton came from leftover denim, making it one of the largest single source of the fibers, according to Jerry Rudd, managing director of global sourcing. The rest of the cotton came from a hodgepodge of other textile wastes.

But something strange began to happen in the 1990s: Denim became tainted.

OMG, we started putting Lycra in all of our jeans and now our money isn’t made of old jeans anymore! Turns out they make money from plain old first generation cotton now. Shame on us.

I mean, shame on us, but also you can have my jeggings when you pry them from my cold, dead, shapely thighs.

Photo: Tax Credits

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