How to Maintain Your Youthful Glow for Cheap

I am 29 years old and am constantly mistaken for a woman 2 or 3 or even more years younger than I am. Mid-twenties! Early-twenties, even! How do I do this? Certainly not with exercise and enough sleep! Definitely not with eye creams and serums! No raw foods, no ayurvedic cleanses here! I don’t even wear sunscreen! These are my secrets:

1. Work entry-level jobs well into your late twenties and beyond. (Like Kanye, be “forever the five-year-old of something.”) (Right now, I am the five-year-old of being a first-time hostess at a restaurant.)

2. Don’t own or wear any nice clothes. When you do wear that one dress you have that looks nice, make sure it’s wrinkled.

3. Definitely don’t know how to or ever use an iron.

4. Make sure to have roommates, always.

5. Definitely don’t be in a functioning, adult relationship.

6. Make sure “I don’t know” is your answer to most basic questions about who you are as a person and what you want in your life.

7. Don’t have a skincare regimen figured out, still. If you can have your teen acne turn right into adult acne, that’s good.

8. Definitely let it be known that your parents pay your phone bill.

9. Have no money.

10. Refer to other adults as “grown ups.”

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