Can’t Afford to Travel But Can Totally Afford to Be a Travel Snob

Most of the email newsletters I’ve signed up for go to spam. The ones that don’t, I wish they did. Exception: The Travelzoo Weekly Top 20, which alerts me to the very best in airfare, hotels, and all-inclusive vacation packages that I have never and will never buy. I devour it each week.

“$699 — Costa Rica 6-Night Adventure w/SUV Rental & Air” driving in the jungle nope

“$99 — Florida Keys: Suite at Beach Resort, 60% Off” nope

“$349 — Caribbean 7-Night Holiday Cruise, $150 Off” i could be talked into some trashy good old American fun on a boat, lemme just open that in a new tab, sure

“$149 — Luxe Atlantic City Resort incl. $100 Credit” nope

“$566 — New York City to Iceland Nonstop (R/T, w/Tax)” it’s kind of a cliche — “oh i’m going to iceland” — but i’m going to open it in a new tab rn anyway

“$1699 — Peru & Machu Picchu 8-Night Trip w/Air, Save $1950” to be honest i never have been interested in machu picchu that’s ok right

“$399 — Vermont 2-Night Culinary & Spa Escape, Reg. $792” lol this sounds like something a women’s magazine would tell you to do to reconnect with your hubs, no

“$104 & up — Toronto Fare Sale from Across U.S. (One Way)” zzz i don’t know anything about toronto

“$39.50 — ‘Zumanity’ by Cirque du Soleil in Vegas, Reg. $69” nope

“$799 — Jamaica All-Inclusive Getaway from NYC, Save 50%” new tab sure why not

“$99 — New Hampshire Mountain Resort incl. $50 Credit” i really don’t like the word resort, it’s a real turn off, real turn off

“$149 — Virgin America Fall Fare Sale from NYC (One Way)” no thx richy b this sounds like a lot of work

“$1199 — Puerto Vallarta: All-Inclusive Winter Trip from NYC” idk where that is … new tab (adventure)

“$15 & up — NYC Weekend Deals: Beers & Broadway Shows” no this feels icky to me, i don’t like it, where do you get the beers, where do you get the broadway, no i don’t like it

“$179 — San Diego 4-Star Hotel incl. Breakfast, Reg. $339” nope

“$949 — Buenos Aires & Santiago Fare Sale from NYC (R/T)” buenos aires is over isn’t it? i think i read that it’s over

“$1199 — Italy: Rome, Florence & Venice 6-Night Trip w/Air” 3 cities in 6 days is 2 too many cities

“$199 — Hawaii: ‘Gold List’ Big Island Resort, Save $120” nope

“$1039 & up — Germany Nonstop Fall Fare Sale (R/T w/Tax)” lol oktoberfest tourists what a nightmare nope nope nope

“$2199 — Cuba 5-Night Escorted Trip w/Meals & Air, $790 Off” escorted? escorted by whom? too tame, i want adventure

~deletes email, never clicks on opened tabs again, eagerly awaits next week’s email~

Photo: Madeleine Holland

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