My Last Hundred Bucks: Shmancy Lip Balm And Other Stuff

by Katelyn Payne

Where’d your last hundo go, Katelyn Payne?
$2.36: Keep the Change transfer to my Savings account. This shit is annoying but when I look in my Savings and see that magical $2.36 added to the other previously added magical amounts, I think, “Gee golly! Thanks, Bank of America!”

$3.30: A coffee date (Americano) with a friend to catch up aka shit talk.

$0: Shit talk.

$5.25: I bought a five-fuckin-dollar chapstick from this little vintage-y, kitschy shop in my neighborhood. (Support local business.) The scent? UNICORN FARTS (spearmint and cotton candy). I know, I know! It’s like they PAID ME to buy it!

$5.89: A burger from my second job — a restaurant I host at twice weekly. I splurged the extra $ for sweet potato fries. (YEAH employee discount!)

$8.68: Hold the fuckin’ phone, Walgreens! All your “sales” make me spend way more than needed! Included in this purchase; peanut butter M&Ms for me, 3 for $2 Reese’s for my boyfriend, and sugary drinks to accompany our self-loathing as we eat our weight in chocolate and peanut butter combo products.

$26.52: “Just a few things” from Trader Joe’s. Most notably; ALMOND BUTTER.

$87: Putting restaurant tips towards car payment JUST FOR THE HELL OF IT, because: adult.

Katelyn Payne lives in Maine.

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