Back-to-School Shopping Back When We Went to School

by Mike Dang and Logan Sachon

Logan: Mike, have you been in a shopping establishment lately? While I was home I went to a Target and wanted to buy every notebook and pencil in the place. I had like, an ache. For school supplies.

Mike: Hmm! I think the last time I went shopping was in June, and I bought a pair of shorts — two pairs of shorts — because it was going to be a thousand degrees out, and I wasn’t feeling the cutoffs I had from last summer. But I haven’t really gone shopping since then. I’m not much of a shopper. I tend to buy the same things and wear them over and over again until they wear out.

Logan: Not even a Walgreens? Not even a Duane Reade? Not even a Bed Bath and Beyond? IT’S BACK TO SCHOOL SEASON, DANG! I think we’ve talked before about how I’m obsessed with new beginnings. Even though I haven’t been in school in seven years, every fall I still get sort of giddy and am like, alright! Time to buy all new everything, let’s start over. I have warm feelings about buying all new clothes and notebooks every fall. And then I’m like, who ever made this rule? AND IT’S THE BRANDS, DANG. I’ve been brainwashed. As usual. As always.

Mike: Oh, I have been in a Duane Reade, yes. But it’s in and out! Got the toilet paper, and I’m outta here! But yes, I have fond memories of preparing to go back to school. I enjoyed school and looked forward to going. And we didn’t have a lot of money when I was younger, but my parents were like, okay, school is important so we will figure out how to work it out so that you can have your notebooks and protractor and colored pencils. Clothes for me were mostly hand-me-downs from my older brother. But I do remember having A Day where we went out and bought school supplies. Did you have A Day?

Logan: Drugstore trips for me are an event. I have a hard time making decisions, as you know, and I’m also easily distracted, as you also know, so they can become terribly long. Awful. Yeah, we totally had a day. I think we had separate days, one for school supplies, one for clothes. We’d go to Office Depot or Office Max with our supply lists, and my mom would check it off while sending us to get binders or whatever. And so much of school supply shopping, for me, was projection — this is the notebook that I’m going to take perfectly neat notes in with my perfectly neat handwriting and then I’m going to study every day and I’m never going to cram for anything ever again. This is the calculator that I’m going to use in pre-cal and I’m going to pay attention in class and never let my eyes glaze over and I’m going to become a super student of pre-cal and isn’t that going to be so nice! And that always was exactly how it happened. And clothes was just about like, wanting every possible fall thing in Old Navy or TJ Maxx or whatever and working with my mom to whittle it down to like, a few practical things that I would actually wear. One year we went to Esprit and they were having a sale and I got all these clothes in various shades of green, and that was the best dressed I ever was. In my mind. I think I also bobbed my hair around then, and started wearing shoes other than sneakers. I tried to wear those clothes way past when I’d grown out of them, until finally my mom was like, that wool sweater is not meant to be a crop top, out with it. So it’s mostly that trip I remember in the fall, thinking, okay, time to go to little store and buy all new things, be new me.

Mike: The few time I went shopping for clothes, it was with my mom, and we usually went to Sears. And I let her pick out all my clothes for me. She basically rummaged through things carefully and handed me a bunch of stuff to try on and we went with whatever from that pile was the most affordable. Also, this kind of thing is generally used as an insult against you when you are a child: “Hey, nice shirt. What, did your mom pick out your clothes for you?” Giggle, smirk, your milk carton gets dumped on your head. But! For me it was more like, “Hey! Nice shirt! Where did you get it?” Because my mom had Style with a capital S. Still has it. Like, Maxxinistas are a thing right? People who find good things on discount at TJ Maxx? If Maxxinistas were a thing then, she’d be a Maxxinista. So yeah, my mother understood color, and shapes, and what went with what, and she’d read Vogue at the salon or whatever, and I didn’t know anything about what a boy should be wearing, so it all sort of worked out.

Logan: Haha TJ Maxxinistas aren’t a thing now! THEY ARE AN ADVERTISING SLOGAN! You’ve been brainwashed, too. Thank god. So um, are you going to be making any purchases this fall? I think I will buy a new calendar planner thing. That feels good to me. Even though my other one still goes to December, I want a new one. Um, what else. I have enough pens. Don’t need a trapper keeper. I want a million new clothes, but I just bought an $11 fake leather jacket so I think that’ll tide me over for a minute. I just have to stay out of stores. No more stores. Bye stores.

Mike: Um, yeah, probably not. I will wait for holiday sales to get a new pair of jeans, but my wardrobe from last fall will work for this fall. It’s not like I’m going anywhere where I need a new wardrobe. I will be writing from a little office space, most of the time alone where nobody cares what I wear.

Logan: Mike, that sounds so sad.

Mike: Come and visit me at the office!

Logan: Oh, you know I hate it there. You should come visit ME.

Mike: Actually, the best times we’ve had working out of the same room together have been at other people’s houses. People! Lend us your houses!

Logan: Yes, we’ll leave them very clean afterwards.

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