Meatball Math

by Lauren Rodrigue

Cooking and I have a complicated relationship. On any given weekday, we can be compared to the entire cast of Dawson’s Creek in any given episode — some Wednesdays we’re truly in love, mature far beyond our years, some Tuesdays we’re bickering teens, throwing things at one another, and some post-happy-hour Thursdays we’re downright silly, we’re all shredded cheese and frozen pizza crusts and elbow macaroni.

The point is, my cooking skills and grace in the kitchen (or, more realistically, sink, stove and single square foot of counter space that lurch in the opposite end of my apartment’s living room) are unreliable at best. But I have to cook for finance’s sake, so, I force myself to cook. After almost two years of making my own meals regularly, I’ve developed loose criteria for meals: I need recipes that are 1) filling 2) easily packable and reheatable as leftovers to bring to work for lunch 3) basically nutritious (protein, greens, low fat) 4) easy 5) quick and most importanly 6) somewhat good-tasting (or I’ll leave that tupperware in the office fridge and go spend $10 on a salad). Meatballs meet all five.

The idea for meatballs came to me last week when a friend and I were bemoaning our sad dinners — mine was a scrambled egg stirred into some chicken soup from an envelope and hers was frozen meatballs from Trader Joe’s. Meatballs! I can make those and freeze those myself and shove ANYTHING I WANT INTO THEM! And they’re adorable and they’re trendy! Joey Potter and Dawson Leary chilling on Dawson’s bed on a summer afternoon!

Last night I gave it a go and went HAM on Chicken-Mushroom-Onion Meatballs and Girl, GIRL ~~~ it was a Jen Lindley-reunites-with-that-Hot-Older-Motorcycle-Riding-Guy-from-the-Big-City moment. PURE SEX.

Best part is THE VALUE. Check out these NUMBERS:

• 2 lb ground chicken = $8
• 1 package Lipton dry Onion Soup Mix = $.80
• 1/2 package fresh Mushrooms = $1.50
• Other things I threw in the meatball mix = ~$1 all together

I made approximately TWO DOZEN meatballs (big suckaz too) which comes out to WAITFORITWAITFORITWAITFORIT (suspense = Joey Potter deciding whether or not to go to that art program in Paaariiiissss…)

$0.47 PER BALL.

The level of pride I’m feeling here is KIND of embarrassing, but whatever (Pacey Whitter throwing himself at his teacher in season one).

Try meatballs, guys! Just combine a couple pounds of ground chicken (or pork or turkey or beef — you make the call, it’s your cholesterol) with breadcrumbs (a half a cup for every pound of meat) whisked eggs (an egg for every pound of meat) and whatever else you want. (I want to try spinach and feta, cheddar and jalapeno, sriracha and cialntro…) and then fry the ones you want to eat in a little oil for about 20 mins, turning a lot, or freeze RAW the balls you wanna save for later. Here’s a good base recipe to get you started.

FORTY SEVEN CENTS PER BALL! For my inaugural meal as a baller (sry) I roasted herb-y potatoes and asparagus to eat with my lil chicken bbs, and made enough for one dinner and three lunches, at approx $2 per fantastic meal.

Always top with shaved Parmesan for office kitchen clout.

Open up your morning light etc etc etc meatball creek, I’m now the kind of woman who calculates the total individual cost of a meatball she makes great thanks New York it’s been great.

Lauren Rodrigue lives in NYC.

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