Student Loans Could Use Some Rebranding
by Mallory Ortberg and William Foster
R.P. Thead argues at Policy Mic that student loans should be rebranded as “educational mortgages” to better represent the longterm nature of repayment: “In a literal translation, ‘mortgage’ is a combination of the French words mort (death), and gage (pledge). A mortgage is a death pledge.”
THIS IS A GOOD IDEA. ADDITIONAL IDEAS:
“Scholastic bondage”
“The gentleman’s encumbrance”
“Debt-mine preparatory courses”
“Prorated brain loans”
“Actual ball and chain”
“Genius collateral”
“Academic albatross”
“A huge mistake”
“Assimilation fee”
“Employability penalty”
“Obedience ensurance”
“Non-voluntary financial obligation”
“Indentured learning”
“The adjustable rate major”
“Continuous fiscal assessment”
“Prospective wage garnishing”
“Taylor Swift”
“Amortized service-learning”
“Debt prison field trip”
“Student trafficking”
“Enlistment”
“Hate mail”
“Donkey bridle”
“Years of despair”
Mallory Ortberg and William Foster live in adjacent west coast states.
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