A Close Read of This Insane Movie Trailer for a $100 Million House

WHAT IS THIS AND WHY.

Does a house really need a trailer? Isn’t the selling point of a house the fact that it’s an actual house that you own? Don’t you walk into a house and see that it has walls and a kitchen and maybe some laundry and definitely a bathroom or two, and think to yourself Ah, yes, this house sells itself? Why did they make a movie trailer for this very fancy and ridiculous house, the most expensive in Beverly Hills at $100 million?

Please be aware that the video is not entirely SFW, unless your work is fine with a woman pleasuring herself while wearing a VR headset or women walking around dressed in gold body paint and little else.

This is three minutes and four seconds of epic, unecessary storytelling for a house that should sell itself. Here are the stats of the house, since it is impossible to figure out what exactly is contained within.

• Roberto Cavalli flooring
• 15-seat curved screen theater with JBL Synthesis Audio
• 2 massive bars, one of which has “Winestation” that preserves and dispenses glasses with the exact amount and temperature
• Gourmet Show Kitchen w/ iPad controlled Top Brewer coffee machine
• State of the Art “Savant” Home Automation and Security
• Privacy and protection ensured through a private entrance
• Longhi doors in suede and embossed leather
• Specially commissioned golden sculpture adorning the large motor court
• Separate Catering/Event Kitchen

So it’s a big house. It has Roberto Cavalli flooring, which seems silly only because Roberto Cavalli is not known for his flooring but for using animal print in ways that are both alarming and exciting. There’s also a lot of stuff in the house that will do things for you. I will never be in the market for $100 million high end hotel masquerading as a home, but all of this seems pretty standard for the flashy, high-end real estate market.

Why the need to create a trailer? We don’t need a trailer for a home that a regular person probably won’t buy; maybe the thought is that a celebrity or someone with enough money to reasonably afford this house is constantly inundated with offers on fancy homes. Maybe in order to make the right choice on which fancy home they will make their own, the ones with movie trailers featuring nearly-nude women and an inscrutable plot are more likely to be sold.

Are the naked gold women featured throughout ghosts? Why are they bothering the protagonist? Do you think she hears them as she walks from the Lamborghini room to the indoor infinity pool, like someone’s shouting her name, but when she turns around, it’s nothing? Obviously I get it, this is like GOLD and MONEY and OPULENCE personified and that’s why they’re following her around, because now that she lives in the house, the ghosts are the physical manifestations of her wealth. Maybe they help her find stuff, like if she puts her reading glasses in the kitchen and then walks the ten minutes to the gold statue in the front of the house and realizes she needs her reading glasses to read whatever’s on the gold statue because she hasn’t had a chance to yet as there’s just so much to take in.

Or, maybe they just hang out. With her. In the screening room, like so.

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