Relationships Can Be Expensive

Because getting out of them costs a lot of money.

Here’s yet another reason why it might be nice to cultivate that Fuck Off Fund you’ve been thinking about, thanks to a pearl-clutching but ultimately horrifying headline via The Guardian.

The biggest financial risk for women today? Embarking on a relationship

Not all relationships last forever. Some end before marriage and others end after. For some women, when a marriage ends in divorce, they’re often left in dire straits, having given up financial independence and security for their marriage, only to lose it all in the divorce.

Luckier than many women in the same position, Cooper lost the family home but has a house for herself and her children. “Not that it is an asset I can sell, as we need to live in it,” she said. “My pension is worth £18,000; his is £228,000.

“I know I’m luckier than most — most women I know got nothing, and had to get on with it. Anyone who had a partner who is self-employed is completely screwed. Women who gave up work or financial independence to raise children are just stuffed by divorce.”

Historically, the Guardian points out, divorce is the most difficult on the person in the relationship with the least amount of money. Historically, that is the wife, whose earning potential is dramatically curtailed by raising children and keeping house.

Here’s Barbara Reeves, a partner at law firm Mishcon de Reya:

“Following divorce, the financially stronger party — historically the man — can continue to earn at his full earning potential and top up his pension pot; meanwhile, the woman may have a reduced earning potential following years out of the employment market while she was building the home and bringing up children. And for women who are unmarried, there is no entitlement to a share in their former partner’s pension. Risk is inherent in relationships for women. While the gender pay gap between men and women in their 20s has closed, the gap opens and widens in later years — in quite a significant part because of women taking time out of employment to have families.”

Finding a job is hard enough, but finding a job when you’ve been off the market for so long is much, much harder. Also alarming is Reeves’s point about the gender pay gap and its correlation to the pause some women put on their careers in order to raise their children. Risk is inherent in everything we do — nothing is guaranteed and life changes at the blink of an eye, so you better hold on and be ready — but Reeves makes a pretty strong case for a relationship being “the biggest financial risk” a woman can take.

“The biggest problem with divorce is that most people don’t agree, and that’s why they’re getting divorced. If I had any advice for women now thinking of getting married I’d say never, never, never give up your financial independence. No matter how difficult it may seem, keep one toe in the water: it may make the difference between sinking and swimming.”

How best to mitigate this risk? Never get married ha ha ha ha, just kidding, get married if you want to, it’s fine! Regardless of what you decide when it comes to marriage, remember that money is both wonderful and absolutely horrible — fantastic if you have it and less so if you don’t. It’s also the key to a version of freedom, especially in a divorce.

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