I Want New Headshots

$600 is a lot of money to spend on a “Maybe, someday!” career.

There’s a moment that every actor comes to dread: getting new headshots. It’s not only the expense that can be quite daunting — headshots usually run $300 and up per session — but also the whole process of choosing a photographer and posing for a couple of hours that will capture a look that one hopes represents his or her best, most marketable self.

Headshots are an actor’s calling card. They are the first thing a casting director or an agent or a manager will see and in that instant they want to see either the essence of the character that’s being cast, or an actor who will land an audition. It’s all based on how you look (this is show business as after all) and also how well you market yourself. Most actors update headshots every couple of years. And no matter how many headshot sessions an actor has gone through, every actor I’ve known has approached them with a sense of doom.

My time has come to get new headshots. My latest shots are about four years old, so I’m definitely due. I’ve been researching photographers since August 2016, and narrowed down my choices to two. All I have to do is pick up the phone. But every time I get serious about booking the shoot, a nagging feeling develops in my belly that tells me the timing just isn’t right. It’s as if by committing to the shots, I somehow have to recommit to being a working actor. And this isn’t something I’m sure I’m ready for.

I moved to Los Angeles back in 2005 with the sole purpose of becoming a working actor. I had no other job lined up and though I had saved up funds to cover at least 3 months, I knew I had to find some kind of work in the industry fast. I became a T.V. extra to pay the bills, or what a generous First Assistant Director might call, a Background Artist (those unsung heroes milling about and mouthing nonsense behind the main stars in a bar scene, say).

Getting a leg up in the business is not cheap. Headshots can be the most important thing in an actor’s arsenal, especially for one such as I who needed to break into the biz. There are inexpensive photographers who can run about $200 and will shoot you in up to four “looks” (usually split between commercial and theatrical shots). Costly photographers will charge $800 and up for two or four looks, not including make-up or hair. Then you have to have your photos retouched for color correcting and printed. Some labs charge extra for contact sheets and test prints. You can also have your resume printed on the back of an 8×10 headshot. Additional costs to just get 50 copies of headshots run between $100 and $300. With my first photographer, I spent roughly $400 all told for my headshots, which were not good at all.

The Writer’s Strike in 2007 stalled my fledgling career. I was at that point as an actor where I was landing call-back auditions for commercials, and all I needed to do was book at least one and I’d have had a firmer foot in the door. However, work for actors still trying to make it dried up during this period. To make ends meet, I took a full time job and kept my acting career on the back burner for when more opportunities became available.

But the promises of a steady income and benefits, which also meant I didn’t have to work three jobs to support my acting career, pushed me further away from my dream. And now, twelve years after I first arrived, my acting career is so much on the back burner that it might as well be in a separate warming tray that someone forgot to turn on. I still take acting classes at $205/month to keep my creative juices flowing. I dream daily about what my life would be like if I just decided once and for all to take the leap and revive my acting career once more.

And to do this, of course, I will want new headshots. During last summer, I got serious about making my former dream a reality. My acting class friends suggested certain photographers and I’m choosing between two who cost $250 and $400 respectively. To get prints made with retouching and to get a contact sheet of all the shots within the session, I would spend an additional $140. My grand total for headshots will be less than $600.

For once in my life, money isn’t the issue. At one time in my early days as an actor I would have to choose between headshots, or paying my rent. With years at a full-time, well paying job behind me, I now have the money to spend on such things without it making a huge dent in my savings. I’m grateful for this, but I’m still hesitating to book the session.

I want current headshots so that I can, if I officially choose to do so, transition back into being a working actor and I’ll be ready for any opportunity that arises. And yet $600, even though it’s an amount I can easily afford at the moment, seems like an awful lot of money to spend on a “Maybe, someday!” career.

And maybe my hesitation also had to do with my own conflicted feelings about becoming a professional actor again. That maybe I want the headshots so it can look as though I’m still an actor without actually being one. Perhaps it is time to admit that this dream has already passed me by.

As the summer turned into fall and then closed in on 2017, I came up with all sorts of excuses as to why the timing wasn’t exactly right to get new headshots: a zit on my nose; a desperately-needed haircut; no free time.

Cosmetic imperfections can always be fixed with retouching, so I really have no reason to worry about my giant zit or a sallow complexion. As for finding the “perfect day” to get my headshots done, there will always be something that comes up. How long am I willing to put it off and delude myself a little longer that my problem is not just getting the actual headshots, but with everything that those headshots represent?

By not getting the new headshots, no matter how much I want them, am I just giving up? It feels terrible to give up now, though I am in a completely different phase of my life than I was in my twenties. Three months into 2017, I’m still debating this decision. Perhaps it’s time to give myself a break, and not just wait for a big break. If I do decide to get new shots, I will at least have a wonderfully-shot picture that represents me at my best now, with more than a few other lifelong dreams under my belt.

Michelle Brosius is a writer and overall dreamer. Follow her on twitter: @Michelle Brosius

This story is part of The Billfold’s I Want It Now series.

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