Order Not Your Toiletries From Amazon, Lest They Arrive In a Grody Plastic Bag

The bottles were moist.

As you might remember from my Monday Check-In a week ago, I ordered a big pile of stuff from Amazon recently—scissors, frames, those frame stickies that hold your frames to the wall, and so on.

I figured that since I was ordering a big pile of stuff, I might as well add some toiletries to the mix. One fewer thing to carry home from Walgreens, right?

Here’s what I thought I was ordering:

I didn’t look at the details, and I should have. When Amazon told me that despite this item being listed as “Prime,” it would take five days to arrive at my apartment, I should have paid attention.

Anyway, of course it was one of those deals where it came from a third-party seller instead of a giant Amazon warehouse somewhere, and this seller chose to send me my product in what appears to be a previously-used “Great Value” zip-closure bag.

I can’t confirm it was a used bag, but you can see that the logo part has been deformed a bit, and there was also a hole in it.

And it was moist on the inside.

There are maybe five or six reasons why a theoretically used zip-closure bag would be moist on the inside, and the most obvious reason is that somebody decided to wash the bag before re-using it, which—if you’ve ever tried that, and I have—those things never dry out, I don’t know what our grandmas were thinking.

The second most obvious reason is that maybe the person packing the bag had really sweaty hands?

The third reason is probably NSFW.

There’s also the possibility that the moistness came from the bottles, which were also moist, not the bag. Like, maybe the person who packed this washed the bottles before putting them in the bag. Or maybe they got wet accidentally. Or maybe the stuff inside the bottles isn’t really Garnier Fructis Full and Plush Shampoo and Conditioner, but some kind of cheaper stuff that this third-party reseller poured into a Garnier bottle in order to increase their retail arbitrage value by just a few more dollars. Maybe it’s actually Suave.

And all in all I wouldn’t mind using Suave if I had to, I’ve done it before, but maybe it’s not Suave, I have no idea what is really in these bottles because shampoo and conditioner bottles don’t come with tamper-proof seals.

And they were moist.

So as much as it’s probably just a simple case of someone putting these bottles inside a plastic bag in less-than-dry-conditions, and as much as it’s probably Garnier inside of these bottles, and as much as I want to trust the world to not be gross, I can’t use these.

Tonight I’ll go to Walgreens and buy some new ones.

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