What We Scroll Past On Instagram, How Good We Are At Recycling, and More

It’s Friday. Let’s chat!

NICOLE: Hello! Happy Friday!

ESTER: Indeed! Do you have anything planned for Mother’s Day — I assume from afar?

NICOLE: I sent my mom a card, and I’ll give her a call this weekend. How about you?

ESTER: I have not done anything for the numerous mothers, grandmothers, mothers-in-law, step-mothers-in-law, grandmothers-in-law, or step-grandmothers-in-law in my life. I feel like I still get a pass, maybe? Soon I won’t be able to play the Baby card anymore (“BUT THE BAAAAABY, HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ANYTHING OF ME”). For now, I will continue to use it at every register.

NICOLE: Your ME-ternity leave. That was such a ridiculous idea.

The Horror Of The “Me-ternity Leave”

ESTER: I think the follow-up piece agitating for leave to take care of new pets elevated the whole thing to the realm of performance art.

Not that I bear pets any ill will. Pets are great, though I do scroll past pet photos on Instagram. THERE I SAID IT. I don’t care about that picture of your cat! It looks exactly like the last picture, and the other last one! Of course I understand that people probably feel the same way about my kids.

Let this please devolve now into a discussion of what we scroll past on Instagram.

NICOLE: I do not use Instagram right now, although I still have an account. I just … social media feels like more and more work and less and less fun every day, and so I’m doing the whole “Does it bring me joy? Nope, so I’m not going to look at it” thing.

ESTER: Ooh, Marie Kondo-ing your Internet life. I like it. I won’t do it, but I like it.

Right now I’m trying to decide whether or not to throw away all of those rejected hair care products that I’ve written about.

How Much I Spent On Hair Products I’ll Never Use Again

My babysitter was making fun of me, because I rounded them up next to my computer, and it would be so easy to dump them now, and yet I still haven’t.

NICOLE: Toss them out! I cleaned out my closets last night and ended up with two trash bags: one full of stuff to throw away, and one full of stuff to go to Goodwill. I know that the clothes that are too worn out for Goodwill probably don’t need to go into the dumpster; someone can turn them into rags or recycle them or something, right? I just don’t know how to get them to the place where that happens.

ESTER: Have you seen that episode of the new season of “Kimmy Schmidt” where Titus finally does that, thinking he’s giving the world a gift, and then he’s mortified when even the hipsters in the thrift store pass his stuff by?

NICOLE: I have not. And I am well aware that I am not giving anybody a gift. They can enjoy this basic dress that no longer fits me, but … there are one billion dresses exactly like it, and probably 20 of them already at the thrift store.

ESTER: Yeah, I don’t think you need to feel bad. Just throw away your stuff. Spoiler: that’s what Titus does, and he gets a new boyfriend out of it. MEET CUTE BY THE DUMPSTER, ND. It could happen to you.

NICOLE: I will stand in our mud-soaked alley next to the dumpster waiting for cute guys to walk by! But the recycling question is for real, in that it’s something I think about all the time. Like, are you going to wash the hair product out of all those bottles so you can recycle them? You could, but you probably won’t, and I probably won’t figure out how to turn my clothes into recycled fiber rags. There’s a threshold, in that I’ll wash out a jar of jam because I’m already in my kitchen and the sink’s right there, but … the dumpster is right there too.

ESTER: Ugh, don’t tell Ben, but no, I will not rinse out my bottles of gel and conditioner before I ditch them. Because of him, though — and this could be seen either as his Big Brother-y presence or his good example — I do usually rinse out and recycle food packaging, like yogurt containers.

NICOLE: Yogurt containers are so easy to wash out! It’s those shampoo bottles. Putting water in a shampoo bottle just gets you more shampoo.

ESTER: And how much time do I want to waste on watching old shampoo bubble out down the drain? No. Life is too short. My patience is too thin. Also I’m just not a very good person. I’d rather throw away the tubes and bottles and watch more “Kimmy Schmidt.” I’m only midway through the season, so no spoilers!

NICOLE: I am only zero through the season, so no spoilers for me either!

Support The Billfold

The Billfold continues to exist thanks to support from our readers. Help us continue to do our work by making a monthly pledge on Patreon or a one-time-only contribution through PayPal.