Poem on a University Credit Card Training Session

Photo credit: Nathan Bittinger, CC BY 2.0.

There are so many budget codes in the world,

And they help us to make sense of existence.

Here are some of the budget codes, these beauteous numbers.

Please remember that sales tax is not broken out for alcohol

Because alcohol is bad, and you should not drink it when you travel,

Especially not when you meet up with other people socially.

Please attach your original detailed receipts

To the statement that you will print out.

Here is an example: the Biology department needed a washing machine

To wash scrubs after lab class on Wednesdays.

This is a Valid Business Purpose,

Like Dinner With Dean Roberts To Discuss the Master’s Program,

True and valid in the universe.

Documentation is exquisite

Like a flower in spring

Or a dove

Or another thing that a thing can be compared to.

Accounts Payable processes a lot of paperwork,

So one staple in the corner is best for keeping track of things,

And put it all in an envelope and send it over to AP,

Your envelope floating into the world.

It is important that you indicate your Business Purpose

Because without it, you have no purpose.

No, no, no purpose.

For those of you who have not yet gotten your PIN,

You can go to the online interface,

Which has no face, is faceless.

And our hope is to move to digital receipts, but sadly

That is not yet the case.

Are there any questions? Anything about default budget codes?

It is important to note that

For reimbursement

You will need to determine if you are in travel status,

Which is a kind of status you’re in when you’re traveling.

And all the line items are items in lines. All the line items.

And here, you update the status and calculate sales tax.

Signatures are wonderful because they mean approval.

You may have more than one approver;

This is okay — you will really know you are approved.

And remember that

If you enter information in the wrong statement cycle,

It’s not the end of the world,

Just inconvenient,

And of course the apocalypse is more than inconvenient.

Procurement is a thing, and so are suppliers.

On this page, you choose from All Available Templates, which is

Like infinity.

Susan Harlan is an English professor specializing in Shakespeare and a freelance writer. Her work has appeared in venues including The Guardian US, Roads & Kingdoms, The Toast, The Awl, Curbed, McSweeney’s Internet Tendency, The Morning News, and Public Books.

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